la Caléndula de la Mañana

class issues

2009-12-14T21:58:00.003-07:00

Inequality of income distribution is a huge problem in Latin America.

Up until this semester, that idea for me was completely academic. Income distribution has to do with social equality, economic stability, political stability and development...but none of that really meant a whole lot to me beyond a political science measurement.

Now I am facing the ways in which what I've seen in BA has affected me when we talking about income distribution.

First, some things to be taken into consideration.

While there is definitely poverty in Argentina, Buenos Aires is the richest province. What I see daily is nothing compared to other parts of the country, nor other parts of the world.

And, my relationship and experience with poverty is extremely limited. I see the Cartoneros (people who got totally swallowed by the crisis of 2001 and now make money sorting trash to sell to the recycling companies) and little kids drugged up in the train station, but I am so far from truly understanding its depth.

More than becoming more intimate with poverty issues, I've gotten really confused by the attitudes of the advantaged.

It is interesting how much class issues have become a part of my thinking here. It has a lot to do with understanding where I am in this whole upper class thing. I am a white girl. Rosy cheeks, blue eyes, fancy glasses. This is a standard look of a person with money in this country. It has to do with this history of immigration in Argentina--German or English descent is pretty common. You can usually assume that more European looking a person is, the further up they are in the social spectrum. So, the Argentines that take interest in me, whether romantically or as a peer generally come from some money. I'm talking about "polo families," people with a lot of property in the countryside, people who live in the zona norte (where the president lives), and drive nice cars. I don't have any friends that live in shitty neighborhoods...in fact, they all live in the nicest neighborhoods around with bomb apartments. Certainly not everyone I hang out with is of this breed, but enough to give me a strange impression of Argentina and the extent of its wealth. And being surrounded by this and certainly affected me.

It all started when Inés explained her family's role in the history of the oligarchy. Once upon a time, Argentina was completely dominated by about 200 landowning families who had immigrated early on. They were ousted in a coup d'etat that led to the first attempt at democracy. (tangent: the current democratic regime holds the record for longest uninterrupted period of democratic rule--2009 marked it at 25 years..). But many symbols still exist. Ines jokes because at one point her family did have a lot of money and property but the only thing left is her Dad's Jockey Club pin that he put on his jacket--and now she lives in Once..what shame!! Her family felt a lot of turbulence during the Peron years when "old families" were targeted again in search of a more popular movement. But Ines still can tell me about which last names are "important" and she knows how to distinguish the cheto accent lexicon and we laugh about it. Much more than symbols however is the pervasive attitude among Argentines that perpetuates the sense of inequality. Alejandro explained that the Old family types are constantly bitch about "new money," who seem to completely resent those fools in the middle class, who of course hate on the lower class...and the lower class..well they despise immigrants--namely Bolivians, Peruvians, and Paraguayans. (Nobody hates on the asian immigrants because apparently everyone thinks they are a big ninja mafia...or so one taxi driver explained to us). But everybody is constantly thinking about where they stand, wishing they belonged to a different group, or trying to pass of as a different group. It's messed up and a completely self-fulfilling social definition.

Being constantly surrounded with issues of class and money has confused me. Living in Boulder is weird because it's a bubble of people who are more or less of the same economic background, and relative deprivation is minimal. Or so, I've always felt. I've never felt like I have sooo much less than everyone I know nor have I felt weird about having waaay more. Class bullshit was just not on my radar, except as an academic concept.

Not to say some of these issues don't exist in the states. I hear the East Coast is kinda messed up...and the whole investment banking industry probably has a lot of the daddy's money-politics involved. But whatever.

The point is, coming here has made me a lot more aware of it--but not in an "omg poverty exists!" kind of way. I talk a lot of shit about "rich" people and afterward always feel like a dumbass because I have a lot more in common with the chetos I make fun of than I realize. Or do I? And if I do...what do I do with my advantage?

Amy and I talked about the poor kids that wander up to cafes and through subway stations trying to sell little trinkets or just begging. I mean, should I give 50 cents to every kid who asks? And then there's that whole thing about the pimp-like guy who runs these gangs of grade-school kids through the city...where exactly does that 50 cents go? Straight to the belly of that hungry 8 year old with dirty clothes? I have no clue, but I kind of doubt it. And in Brazil, income inequality is an even bigger problem, so Amy has dealt with this stuff a lot as well.

Hanging out with righty rich latin kids has fucked with me.

When I took my oral final at UCA (the private catholic university...), my professor was trying to help me out on a question I was stumped on and he tried to use an example with yanqui politics..he asks if I'm a Republican or a Democrat. I just make an "eeiiieeuuu" sound because while technically I'm a registered Democrat, I'm not really big into either party and I don't like putting myself inside the box. The other assistant professor smiles and says in a stating the obvious tone of voice, "ella es republicana." I started laughing. Do I really come across as Republican, and if so, does that mean anything? And what does it mean coming from a Latin American political science professor who teaches at a right-leaning private school? And what the hell is right-leaning in this country anyway? NOT socialist? Cuz that leaves a whole lot of room.

What I'm starting to wrestle with now, more than identifying something that is probably not necessary is getting my priorities in order. I've liked being exposed to a little latin luxury, and sometimes I start thinking...you know, I sould just get my shit together, find a nice paying job and live like this. It's lovely. Maybe I'll buy a horse.

But the bubble those fuckers create is so out of touch with so many problems in the world that I care about. So then when I have a reality check...I think, well the last think I need to focus on is living a fancy lifestyle and get moving on solving some of these problems. Buuuuut, there is a reason people want to make a lot of money...it's really nice to not be limited financially....

sooo here is where priorities are in need of some serious investigation because it's going to matter when i start making legitimate decisions for the direction my life is going to go..

Some updates/the wrap-up :(

2009-11-25T08:13:00.009-07:00

Here is Jess and I messing around by the river in Vicente Lopez. We went out there for a picnic on Alejandro's birthday. He and Jess prepared an awesome picnic of gourmet salad and finger food (hummus, sun dried tomatoes). It ended with the whole crew drinking whiskey on the rocks and singing everything from chacarera to beatles to cumbia to johnny cash. I also ripped my pants trying to yoga in jeans.

This is at the Argentine Polo open. It's a tournament in Palermo and it is some of the best polo in the entire world. I know nothing about polo, but I had a great time. I'm really, really interested in riding some horses before I go, and thankfully Ine has invited me to the campo to do it!!

I LOVE VENEZUELANS!!!!! This night started out chatting about Chavez-related horror stories and red wine, followed by a round of drinks from around the world (jager, pisco sour, tequila) and dancing in Crobar for the graduation party of my classmates at UCA. This is Victor and Adriana, both from Caracas.

This is after a little blues-and-beef dinner we had at the house. Jammed out and drank a lot of wine. Highlight: inventing a chorus backline to an improv song based on a bad joke my dad told. ("osoooo, conejooooo, mierdaaaaa..."). That's Ines on my left and kati on my right, a recent CU grad who lived with Ines a couple years ago. She's awesome!

Dad playing music at Alejandro's birthday picnic.

So anyway.
It's been about two months since I've written. I apologize for that, but it's been a pretty nutty couple of months! Dad came to visit for three weeks. It was a good opportunity to reconnect with some the music opportunities. We got a "job" hosting an internet radio show dedicated to tango. check it out!! www.tangobox.com.ar

Dad had befriended Enrique, the owner of a 'tangueria' (basically an intimate bar with live shows, mostly dedicated to tango) and Enrique had recently launched this project. He wants to have one hour of the show be in English, so he asked my Dad to be the host. Unfortunately, since Dad doesn't speak much spanish and Enqrique doesn't speak much English, in order to get the logistics all sorted out, I needed to help out with some translating. I sort of inserted myself in the host role too because I thought it sounded fun. Haha.

They have a "peña de tango" where the pueblo sings. It's basically an open mic night of classic tango music, but the talent is extraordinary. A lot of passion. Dad decided to play a few country tunes one week, and I got up and did a few more the next. It was a lot of fun, though borderline inappropriate. The people at the bar got a kick out of us, though.

It's also been a crazy time emotionally. Not so much for me, but for the people around me and I have been trying to provide support for those who have been facing some challenges......

School has been nuts but it is winding down and I'm realizing that I've really learned a lot. I don't feel as much as a fraud when I say I study politics now. Even though there is still a lot I don't know, when it comes to Latin America I am beginning to feel more competent in terms of my knowledge about what the hell is going on on this continent. My last big school projects to knock out are next week, so until then, I can't really put my frame of mind into reflective mode. But I am FREAKING out that I'm leaving in less than 3 weeks. I'm more ready than I was in July, but still not ready. In July, I wasn't completely satisfied with my spanish nor what I had achieved in cultivating my relationship with Argentina. Now my spanish has improved by leagues and I do feel like Argentina and I have a less superficial relationship. But...I'm freaking out about leaving my friends and leaving an environment and lifestyle that has become so normal and enjoyable. I have to start focusing on the things about the states that I really miss so that leaving doesn't feel so sad. And we'll start with....thanksgiving!!

Tomorrow we are having a thanksgiving potluck with some of the american kids from the program here at Ine's house. I'm bringing the rolls, wine, and cutlery (because I can't/won't cook). Mary is preparing a turkey and then there are random assignments involving desserts, green beans, potatoes, etc. It should be interesting given our limitations in the average Buenos Aires supermercado (you can forget cranberry sauce), but it will definitely be fun. There may even be hand-turkeys made of construction paper for decoration.....

But anyway, once my finals and papers are all done with, I'm gonna enter a pretty freaky transition zone...we'll see how it goes...

argentine folkloric music--cool video pablo sent

2009-11-25T08:10:00.001-07:00

2009-09-22T20:29:00.002-06:00

Here is a wonderful beer commercial that's currently running in Argentina.

This song has been stuck in my head for like a month straight.

video bar

2009-09-04T10:03:00.002-06:00

Check out the cool video thing I added to the side of the page. It shows randomly generated youtube videos of stuff that is relevant to what I'm doing out here (music, futbol, dance) !! cooooooooool.

Music!

2009-09-04T09:06:00.003-06:00

So, I've been exposed to a few different styles of music out here. Between the Brazil trip, my friends from La Peña, and the nights at the Boliches, it's been diverse. So here are just a few highlights what I've heard out here that will stick with me.

Samba/Brazilian:

Sergio Mendes, Magdalehna.

Argentine National Rock

Bersuit Vergarabat, Argentinidad al Palo

Reggaeton/Boliche music

Makano, Te Amo

Daddy Yankee, Llamado de Emergencia

Folkloric Music

(this is the Chacarera, a gaucho dance)

Argentine Reggae

Los Pericos, Parate y Mira

Chill music I listen to at home

Jorge Drexler, Sea

Emmanuel Horvilleur, Llamame

Tango

(the young people love the electronic stuff)

Pa'Bailar

Orquestra Típica Afronte, Chique (A local live act that plays every week)

Transcends language/country/genre

Manu Chau, Me Gustas Tu

ENJOY!!!!

MMMschool.

2009-09-04T08:25:00.003-06:00

Classes are finally in full swing for the "spring" semester. I'm taking Latin American in International Politics, International Security Theory, History and Literature of 20th Century Argentina, and a couple spanish classes.

I feel a lot more confident this semester than last semester, but some of my classes are still fairly difficult to follow (damn Santiago, he speaks so effing fast). Right now I'm pretty unmotivated. I'm still doing most of my work and going to all my classes, but I'm not really enjoying school. I do like talking to the kids and making new friends, but something is not clicking....I think I'm losing interest in politics.

Everything always sounds interesting in theory, but once I get into the classroom, I feel like I what I'm learning about is irrelevant. I'm starting to see the world from a different perspective. It's like a battle between the political science major and the biology major. What's important to understand about the way the world works: how we humans manipulate it into our own system or how it naturally functions (photosynthesis, eating small rodents...)? I never liked studying biology, so I'm not about to do a 180 on my major, but I am thinking a lot about how little I want to go into politics. Yesterday during class, I got a coffee and medialuna during the break, and with my sugar/caffeine buzz, something came to me.

I might be happy as a waitress the rest of my life.

...Hear me out!

I want to affect this world positively by the time I leave it, but I think I might be destined for a more simple life than I'm preparing myself for. I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I like living modestly and I really like being relaxed. But one of the things that gives me the most joy, is meeting new people. I feel like I would be a more valuable asset to society just providing kindness and decency in an every-day situation. I could inspire people to pay it forward because I served them up magical kindness and joy! So, I would get to meet new people all day, every day and flash that million dollar smile (well, stock went down a little after the Brazil accident, but you catch my drift), and have enough money to buy mandolin strings and sing on Tuesdays. I honestly think I would be satisfied doing that.

No? Am I destined for something bigger? What does that even mean..bigger? More important? More consequential?

I mean, eating is pretty important, and when you get a waiter who is just AWESOME, you leave feeling better about life. Right? I'd love to evoke that in people.

I don't know. Probably shouldn't waste the thousands of dollars being spent on this education. But this education has given me the opportunity to explore and figure out what really makes my heart beat in this world....

Hey! One thing Buenos Aires has ignited in me is a deep, deep love for the cafe culture. Okay, granted I don't know jack about coffee (ines and I drink instant nescafe every day), and even though Dad has explained how to use the espresso machine a trillion times, I can never remember how to make a latte; nonetheless, every time I walk into a nice (or ratty) cafe, I feel like all the problems in the world will be juuuuuust fine. SO maybe I open one! I don't know much about business, but I do know the market is a tad bit inundated with coffee shops, but whatever, that's okay. Where there's passion, there's success. Just need to find me a business partner from Leed's who knows a little sumthin about taxes or whatever.

Or, I go to law school and become an attorney like I've imagined since I was in grade school.

Or I drop out of school and pursue a singer/songwriter's career.

Or, better yet, go to NYC and try my luck on the stage!

Or I stop procrastinating and do my International Security homework.

expat friends!

2009-08-18T12:16:00.003-06:00

This is Jessica and I on my birthday at a bar in Caballito. She and I have become tight after we met each other on a Couch Surfer's expedition to Tigre. (I wrote a blog on that a few months ago). She is from Atlanta and her family moved to Montana where they have a ranch and she rides horsies and such. She teaches me yoga sometimes, we drink lots of mate, go out dancing, listen to music and chat A LOT. Our life philosophies complement each other, and it's amazing having her around. We appreciate many of the same things about the city and have a lot of authentic experiences in spite of the fact that we are both American (meeting musicians at La Peña, dancing with drummers in San Telmo, wing-woman adventures in bars) I like that she isn't a study abroad student, but has already graduated college and is teaching English at various institutions here in Buenos Aires. She has a different perspective and it's awesome. Plus she's a vegan in this city inundated with meat and cheese, and I've learned a lot from her about creativity, discipline, and integrity.

We also have the most hilarious spanglish text messages of all time.

updaaaate (lots of videos linked..check em!)

2009-08-18T10:26:00.006-06:00

This break I've had in between semesters has been fabulous, although I've forgotten what working is, and I'm a bit nervous about getting back into the habit when classes start.

Nevertheless, since I've gotten back from Brazil, I have been extremely social, wanting to take advantage of free time. I've gotten to know the more of Buenos Aires nightlife and met lots of new people. It's been a lot of fun because my language skills have improved so much and conversations are so much more meaningful than they were at the beginning.

Measurements of Progress:

1. taxi drivers don't respond to me in English anymore!

2. I can watch telenovelas or movies with Ines and UNDERSTAND what is going on!

3. I can chill at a friend's house the entire day without uttering more than a couple words in English (for clarification), when before I'd have to say "ok, spanish only from now on..."

4. regional lexicon slips out naturally, when before I felt like was joking if I said "che" or "boludo" or "que se yo" or "o sea" or "a ver" or "dale."

che= an informal name you call your friend. "che, queres un te?"

Boludo=an endearing nickname or a word for dumbass

que se yo= literally, what do I know. used as whatever/i don't know/a vocal interrupter

O sea= a vocal interrupter, close to the english (over)usage of "like"

a ver= used similarly to "let's see..."

dale= an affirmation or a call to hurry up

5. Not only can I actually explain the haircut I want at the peluqueria, but I can shoot the breeze the stylist!!

6. I'm not afraid explore transportation and the really effed up bus system anymore because I can ask whatever person on the street, kiosk employee, or bus driver what I need to do. Before, I would get fed up with my Guia T (the map/bus route) and just take a taxi!

7. I don't think twice about grabbing the phone and ordering food or something...when before it gave me maaad anxiety.

Anyway...now that I have improved so much (I definitely lack A LOT, but it's coming along), my social experiences are sooo much richer.

This past week was a lot of fun. It included:

1. celebrating Jessica's birthday by drinking damn good barley wine from Patagonia in a vegetarian restaurant downtown and later clubbing with dreadlocked Spanish architecture students. I was half embarrassed/half extremely proud to be able to lip-sync to the majority of the reggaeton songs. Here's Sattva on Montevideo y Corrientes, I'm a new fan (whenever I find good, unique restaurants, it's really exciting. Buenos Aires is known for its repetitive cuisine..)

2. traveling outside of Capital to Martin Coronado to a costume party for Alda's birthday where we drank tequila, ate delicious homemade empanadas, and danced cumbia (which embarrassed some of our friends!!). I was dressed as a hippie. This is Jota and I (prior to fixing the Mercedes Benz logo on my chest).

3. starting classes in la UCA (the private Catholic university) and having a fancy dinner in a Puerto Madero Parilla (restaurant that prepares carne) with kids from class

4. A Sunday night pubcrawl with Jota, followed by a mate session and a chat about poverty, education, and BOYS until dawn!

5. singing protest songs with Ines from the age of the Dictatorship at 4 in the morning

6. Drinking mate at Flor's house while exchanging youtube videos of Bluegrass and Argentine folkloric music, chatting about life, and later ordering a deliciously greasy pizza (muzzarella y acetuna) and watching Twilight with spanish subtitles! Legit pajama party!!

Oh and here's a really cool video she showed me of "the best advice" ...Take a look!!

7. Receiving my first mate, a gift from the program. It's metal and has my name engraved!!

Things are going really well as the second semester gets going. I am feeling more confident with my Spanish and am becoming more and more satisfied with relationships I'm cultivating. The American kids on the program would joke about how hard it is to make Argentine friends. It's extremely easy to meet guys, especially as a foreigner at Boliches and bars, but that's not very interesting (all the conversations are EXACTLY the same..). I was lucky though, to have Javi as a contact when I got down here, and was able to make a lot of friends through him. When people asked how I made so many friends, I couldn't really give them advice because I really just lucked out. I didn't make many friends in my classes because they were full of foreign kids and it was extremely difficult to extract myself from our bubble. There are still a lot of foreign kids in the classes I've tried so far, but now, with the experience I have and my higher confidence, I don't have as much as trouble striking up a conversation with the locals. In fact, I almost--almost--relate better to the locals in class because the foreigners are all brand-spanking new to the city and I don't really like repeating all the confused, stressed out conversations I had with my American acquaintances from last semester.

I am thinking about travel plan for the semester as well. Flor is from Santa Fe, a province in the North, and I'm hoping to be able to see it with her as my local connection. I really, really prefer to travel when there is a local joining because it makes the experience so much more meaningful. She also has family in Montevideo and goes often. I'm considering not renewing my student visa (it costs like $200 USD) and just renewing my tourist visa by leaving the country (yaaah Uruguay! It's only a ferry ride away...).

And it's starting to get warm!! Spring is coming!! Soon we will be able to sprawl out in the plazas and drink mate in the sunshine in our flowery dresses... and shortly after complain because it's sooo effing HOT!!!

chau folks, I'm off to Jessica's house for...you guessed it... some mate!!

Besos!!

BRAZIL!!!!

2009-07-28T14:29:00.002-06:00

I spent last week, essentially on "winter break" in Rio de Janeiro.

Having spent such a great deal of time in Buenos Aires, it was really nice to see not only another city in Latin America, but another culture. Brazilian culture and Argentine culture are very distinct, the common ground being...well, they both love soccer!

The language is different, the history is different, the music, the attitudes, the collective experience.

It was a blast. I think if I would have liked studying in Brazil. If music and dance is the representation of a culture, I lean Brazilian. Samba just...has the OOMPH that I can't seem to find in Tango. I don't know, maybe I haven't given it a chance. But hot damn, I like Samba!

My camera cord is currently in Colorado, so I can't upload the photos or video I took, but I'll get them up as soon as I can!

And more reflections to follow....

$$$$$$

2009-07-28T14:19:00.002-06:00

My dad once warned me about reconciling my hot dog budget and caviar tastes.

I literally can't go shopping in this town because I look at piece of clothing in the cheap districts and think, "what a piece of crap, that's not even worth my pocket change! I'd rather buy a coffee!" And then I go to higher end places and am so disgusted by how much they want for nice clothing that I practically leave hyperventilating.

So instead I buy nothing. Except coffee.

Eye for style, my friends!

2009-07-28T13:45:00.002-06:00

One of my Buenos Aires photos was a runner-up in one of Glimpse.org's contests, "World Styles."

I'm going to stretch this personal win a little bit, and say I've been published in National Geographic.

http://glimpse.org/stories/view/photo-contest-world-styles/

There were about 150 entries, 9 runners up, and one grand prize.

Mine is the one of the old dudes playing squash or something in the park....

GRIPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-07-03T14:50:00.002-06:00

i'm gonna go to brazil and avoid this whole flu season massacre that's hitting argentina....

in two weeks. :/

till then, i will be washing my hands frequently.

[wish me luck on the visa...]

Metas. fiaca? nada mas!

2009-06-30T13:49:00.005-06:00

Ok.

So, now that I've made my decision to stay. It's time to get busy thinking about how I'm going to really make this worth it.

1. No more boludeces on the internet.

That word translates to bullshit, more or less. In days when I felt sort of gray, my bright white mac would suck me in and I could spend hours upon hours doing absolutely nothing of value while the big, wide world waited for me outside. There's nothing wrong with updating the blog and keeping in touch with friends and e-mail. But that's not really what I was doing. I need to get my head in the game for real. This is part of the reason I really need more time here. Get rid of distractions!!!!

2. Make the days richer.

I've learned that I'm a sedentary person. It's a tough life, because I'm a homebody but a complete extrovert--I am energized by interactions with people. If I lived alone, I would die. With Ines, we can screw around all night at the house and have a grand time, but I need to be more proactive about seeing and taking advantage of the things I've yet to see in the city. Ines has literally started calling me (endearingly, I hope) chanchita, or little piggy, because I spend a lot of time lounging. I'll continue to have "recovery" days, especially given the nightlife schedule here, but I can't have those kind of days unless I'm actually recovering from something!! So what does a richer day look like? Well there are a million restaurants I haven't tried, lots of staple cultural centers I've yet to explore, and shopping? I've purchased a dismal amount of souvenirs and virtually nothing for myself. For the amount of freedom I have, I am not taking advantage of the nightlife. Here's to another six months being of legal age!! Time to get social. Oh and tango? I have not even touched that whole dimension. When it comes to music, I've been more into the folkloric stuff and boliche scene (OK i admit, i LIKE reggaeton!) Tango has sort of felt like a big, weird, touristy joke, but we'll see.

3. Travel!!

I am getting prepped for a trip to Rio de Janeiro (a place I never thought I'd go!!) with Amy. I am really looking forward to it because it will be WARM!!! I have no concept of Portuguese and it will feel incredibly different. A nice change of pace from Buenos Aires. And Sean will be there!!!! There are also a few other friends getting prepped for study abroad. Celine leaves for Chile at the end of July, so I'll have a contact in Valparaiso! And Jenna is getting ready for her semester in Salvador, Brazil. She studied in Buenos Aires her this time last year, so if she is down for visit, it would be great to put our heads together for a "Best of BA" clip show trip. Also, now that I will be here for longer, I can host more of my friends who weren't able to plan something earlier. Ines and I have plans to see parts of Uruguay that neither of us went to. Also, I skipped out on a lot of the classic travel destinations for lack of momentum/trying to balance the money. The truth is, compared to most of my friends on the program, I have been living extremely cheaply. I only made one trip besides the ones the program paid for, which was to Bariloche. And that one ended up being quite economical after we met a local named Mau whose amazing family fed us on a few occasions. There was one steak lunch that set us back, but it was worth it. And most of our activities were virtually free. In Brazil, I will have free lodging, and plan to live as cheaply as possible (the real is doing better than the peso...wish me luck). So, I think an adventure to Iguazu Falls, Salta/Jujuy, Mar de Plata, Montevideo, or maybe even Tierra del Fuego (there are penguins there!!!) should be reasonable.

4. Maintain!

In the grand scheme of things, I think I did a pretty good job with balancing things. I met quite a few south americans and got to enjoy a part of the latin cosmo culture in Buenos Aires (because there are people from aaall over the world here) but I also did decently in school and bonded with kids on the program. I've been very lucky, all things considered. So, I think I need to keep up my good attitude, but put myself out there a little bit more. The fruits of what I've done first semester are getting ripe, so I think this second part is going to be a blast. And my spanish is about to overcome a plateau...I know it. It'll probably be put on hold for a second while I'm in Brazil, but after that...it's going to take off!! Yeah!

It's been awhile! The chapter is incomplete.

2009-06-30T08:20:00.003-06:00

I've made a big decision and decided to give up some things next semester in order to spend another semester here in Buenos Aires.

It took a lot of thinking, paying attention to "signs," and just feeling what was the right decision.

It was a difficult because I was in a situation that I don't think there ever could be a right or wrong decision. It was basically a matter of whatever I want to do. I am feeling strange now, sort scared and nervous. I always imagine when you make the "right" decision, everything will settle, especially the butterflies in the stomach. But that's not what I am feeling right now. I am feeling anxious. I hope this goes away because one of the major indicators in this decision was whatever I was going to imagine as a bigger distraction should be the life I grab. If I was going to go home and wonder what it would have been like...all lingering thoughts and doubts...I wouldn't be able to live my life fully at home. But if I decided to stay, and all I could think about was what I am missing out at CU, then I should go.

I had A LOT of lingering thoughts about Buenos Aires.

There were things I felt like I didn't achieve and I simply felt like the story wasn't over. The truth is, it takes nearly an entire semester to get used to a place. That's not really an exaggeration. Especially, if you've never spent more than month away from home or family. I didn't have severe bouts of homesickness because I always felt very connected plus I was lucky to have two visits from family members.

(Which by the way, the trip with Robert and Mom was great, we kept ourselves very busy, so I haven't had a chance to write a ton about it, but I saw another, sort of luxurious side to the city that I wasn't entirely familiar with, and that was great).

But dealing with being away for so long sort of manifested itself in being more reserved than I would have liked, being really sucked into my computer and internet communication, and sort of shutting people out and disappearing into a weird nothingness space.

But my relationship with Ines has taken off and I finally feel sufficiently comfortable in the city. I feel like I'm on track to developing some long lasting relationships that will make the next semester all the richer. I feel like I have only tipped the iceberg on the culture. And now that I feel more or less

'at home,' I can do some cultural explorations that before weren't really available before.

I think I mentioned this in an earlier blog, but the advice to stay abroad a year always stuck with me even though I thought it wasn't feasible. Now, I realize it is, just a matter of making sacrifices and a decision.

But it's not even that big of a decision. In the grand scheme, I'm going to look back with fondness, but it's only a few months of my life. I'm not moving to Buenos Aires forever, I'm not dropping out of college and dedicating my life to tango. No, I'm spending a few more months improving my spanish (which, I have to admit, is not as far along as I hoped---another big reason another semester will serve me well) and digging deeper into a new culture. The first semester was also very much a comparison to life in the States. "Hmmm, it's interesting how they do this, that, and the other thing differently..." But now it's more about Buenos Aires and Argentina for their own sake. I want to appreciate them for what they are on their own, not for why they are different than home.

When I get home, my friends and family and relationships will be intact. My professional opportunities will still be around. Boulder probably still won't have experienced the 100 year flood, and I will be able to enjoy the city even more. I have spent my whole life there!! 10 months away is probably the best thing I can do to make the most of my last semesters.

And I have a mountain of cafes to still explore, chill in, and sip a café con leche....

This semester is going to be lived with great intention and I am going to make it a worthwhile decision, you can count on that!!!!!!!!

Yoga Adventures in Buenos Aires

2009-05-30T13:04:00.001-06:00

Check out my latest post for Elephantjournal.com on my Yoga journey!

One Semester is NOT enough.

2009-05-27T19:04:00.003-06:00

I don't want to leave.

One of my friends told me when I first started talking about study abroad that going for a year is critical. It takes roughly 4 or 5 months to get used to actually living in this other place, and then the rest of the year you can actually enjoy it.

I'm finding this to be very true. We are nearing the 4 month mark and I am finally feeling like this is a place I could potentially connect with. When I first arrived, I was ecstatic. But, it was the kind of happiness you get from a good vacation. When it became more and more clear that this was much more than a vacation, I started to get moody. Some days this loud, dirty city really got to me. Other days I'd be enamored with it. But either way, my extreme feelings were ephemeral and I was pretty certain I'd leave Argentina with an averaged-out apathetic view. There have been some days where I've been really out of touch with what I'm doing here. I'd spend too much time on my computer researching things I want to accomplish next semester at home. I'd sit in the park and brainstorm organizational processes and ideas for my various student groups next year, or I'd just obsessively check my facebook and look longingly at pictures of hikes people posted. There was a good chunk of time where my mind just wasn't in Buenos Aires.

This has changed. I still get extreme feelings over the typical things that bother/enchant me. But any chance of me leaving with apathy has disappeared.I have recently realized that there is SO much more to this city and this culture than I could ever understand in 5 months, and part of this tendency toward apathy has been a result of not being intimate enough with the culture and feeling more like I've been on a vacation for too long (except not, because class has actually been pretty stressful). I realized over the weekend that I'm not a lost cause when it comes to getting something truly remarkable out of BA. Amy came to visit from Sao Paolo and we went out to various bars around the city. Each night I had a conversation with a different local and each one shed some light on aspects of the culture that I felt out of touch with. After exchanging numbers with a few people, I got really excited about the potential of further connections and investing in some friendships. But, then it dawned on me that there is not a lot of time left for investing. By the time I get comfortable enough with new friends to feel like I have my own life here and I can learn something intimate about the culture, I will be heading home.

I want to stay for a year. I do. And I would beg my parents to help support this if it weren't for the commitments I have already made at CU (the vice-chair position with CEB, my Puksta Scholarship). I'm starting to contemplate what it means to make sacrifices and choices at this age and I'm really struggling with what would be the best thing for me to do--even though I really have already made the decision to leave.

It's just that...I don't want to.

2009-05-23T07:51:00.000-06:00

Romanticized

2009-05-18T09:11:00.007-06:00

It's amazing how media distorts or at least affects the way I view Buenos Aires. When I watch film of the city or see photography or hear tango music, I feel a bit more connected with it than when I'm living my daily life here IN the city. That's kind of absurd. But all the stress and chaos seem so tranquil when it's through an artistic lens.

National Geographic does a cool online publication called "Glimpse."

Mission: To encourage you to care about other cultures, change the way you think about the overseas experience, andchallenge you to explore real life abroad

Study Abroad students, expats, an other young people who spend an extended period of time in a foreign country take pictures, video, and write, write, write about their experiences. I considered applying to be a contributor but I had such a weak portfolio of photos I'd taken and pieces of writing to share that I couldn't really get my act together in time.

I was perusing the most recent edition of the newsletter and the front page had a link to a correspondent in Buenos Aires. Naturally, I peeked through her writing and photos and I really enjoyed it. I had sort of nostalgic feelings for Bs As in spite of the fact that I'm in the midst of it.

But, I realized something weird about photography in this moment. This woman had a great way of conveying daily images of the city and making them appear so raw. Yet all great photos I see always have an element of glamour to them, even if there is nothing glamorous about the ideas they convey.

I look at them and think, ooh what a cool city I'm in. Even though many days I really struggle with appreciating it. The thing is, I'm not a city person. But I love the idea of being one. I love the idea of cosmopolitanism and strutting through city streets and all the images that "the Paris of Latin America" elicits. I love reading through BA fashion blogs and recognizing the locations and thinking of Buenos Aires as a big culture hub.

But maybe it's a function of living in the least glamourous barrio in Buenos Aires or maybe it's the fact that I'm coming face to face with big city authenticity. Authentic Buenos Aires means grit. There's piles of trash, poor people begging for change with dirty children on their laps, sweaty old people on the subte, polluted air, etc, etc, etc. That's what sticks with me every day. Sure, I can flip through pages of articles on Peronism at the Rosedal or sip espresso at the Tea Connection and feel super fancy again. But unfortunately, when I think of Buenos Aires, I think of the grime.

Today I had a lunch with a fellow American from who grew up in the West and has a grand appreciation for the outdoors. He studied abroad last semester in Buenos Aires and did not enjoy the experience. He left the program before it was over and moved to the coast where he worked as a bartender and surfed every day. He will still manage to get credit for most of his classes and leaving the city was the best thing he did for his Spanish and for his sanity.

I find that idea fascinating. I don't intend to do anything like that, at least not at this juncture. But the problem with studying abroad is that you have to focus a bunch of time to school (woah, really?). And the truth is your language skills are going to improve way more outside of the classroom than reading a bunch of esoteric economic policy articles. You are also tempted to spend a great deal of time with Americans...who speak the language just as badly as you do. You have obligations and rules and structures that don't permit the most authentic of experiences. Also, most solid universities are in big cities and big cities have a culture that doesn't necessarily represent the country, especially Buenos Aires. The Porteño culture is very European. In my mind it's almost comically so. Going outside of the city is almost like going to the real continent, culturally--of which I don't actually have a lot of experience. I've been in more touristy situations. It's difficult to get away from that.

But in reality, I do like my program and I think they do a good job of facing these issues. Someday thought, I would like to just up and leave and create a life that truly does lend itself to real and natural immersion. It's scary, but I think I would benefit a lot from it.

Maybe I'll go to Spain where I can earn some euros!!

But to be fair, I have had enough struggles in spite of the fact that I've got a really big support network...so I guess I have to keep in mind that it's just one step at a time...

Life. Bs As.

2009-05-15T19:18:00.006-06:00

So, I've shared a bit about the trips I'm taking and complained about various elements of the big city. But lets talk about life.

Well, let's see. First, it turns out I actually am STUDYING abroad. I forgot about that! It is not a lot of fun to spend so much time in class and so much of my free time reading esoteric economic texts that I would barely understand in English much less in academic spanish, but it's an interesting experience. It's keeping me from going out too much at night and compromising my health or wallet.

My number one favorite thing about Buenos Aires is the cafe/bar scene. Almost every afternoon, I buy myself a coffee or a snack in one of the bazillion cafes around the city and just watch people, read a bit, or just think. I used to be married to the idea of going out to eat as a social, communal activity. But, I'm spending a lot of time in these cafes alone, and I thoroughly enjoy it. I get a different glimpse of the city in each one.

Roommates: Ines and Ros.

Ines is tight with a lot of the staff at FLACSO (the institution we study in) and she hosts a student each semester. She lives alone and enjoys singing, cooking, chatting, eating, and drinking lots of mate! She works as a lawyer and as a tutor in Argentine history and Spanish conversation. She's very social and brings lots of friends and family to the apartment. She's a very affectionate and amicable roommate and understands that in all things domestic, I'm completely useless. (I do keep my room relatively picked up--compared to home--but Christina, the house cleaner, still hates me I'm pretty sure). She cooks for me when I'm hungry and seems to genuinely enjoy it. Ines is very relaxed and likes to lounge the same way I do. We can be found watching shitty Argentine reality shows in bed with a box of delivered empanadas or eating milanesa at a record pace!!

Ros is pretty different from Ines. She is a vegetarian theater student from Spain with limitless energy and sort of bohemian outlook on life. She is very active, cosmopolitan, and conscious. She actually kind of reminds me somebody I might find in the Pacific Northwest, except spicy! I like talking with her about her outlook on life, especially health-wise, because she lives in a style that I aspire to embrace but don't have the self control!! Although, she does smoke cigarettes. Of course, they are the hand rolled from all natural tobacco ;)

The program.

I like it. I've made some pretty good friends, although I don't spend all my time with Americans, which is good.

I've made some local friends as well, but they are sort of in and out (sometimes my fault, sometimes there's--we'll leave it at that.)

Echo-Village!

2009-05-15T18:53:00.009-06:00

The trips I've taken outside the city are beginning to have a common theme: OUTSIDE.

I've never considered myself an "outdoorsy" person, but this has changed once I realized how much it sucks to not have immediate access to nature. I'm looking forward to honing some outdoor competency when I get back to Colorado. I want my friends to impart on me the knowledge I blew off growing up because I'm finally ready!!!

Anyway. I made a trip up to Tigre, an area an hour north of Buenos Aires where a river delta divides a number of islands in which many retirees have beautiful properties. It's kind of got the Bayou culture going on. Actually, it reminded me of a river version of the Adirondacks.

I met Leo Jara a few days after I'd arrived from a friend of a friend of a friend. He had just started this project called Echo-Village and is now in the process of turning it into an NGO. This is the basic premise: create a incredibly cheap, environmentally and economically sustainable model of alternative living for the families all over the world facing the current social, economic, and climate crisis.

It has begun with the small property in Tigre where Leo built a small one room cabin with his one two hands for next to nothing. It's a very basic building.

He hopes to create a number of these small cabins to fit families on the property and eventually take the model to different parts of the world and adapt it to the different social and ecological situations. Right now it's a bit of a destination for young backpacker type tourists who find out about it through couch surfers. Hopefully it will gain enough to traction to become a destination for students who want to study ecological and sustainability issues and gain credit and others who are serious about the movement.

My trip had the simple objective of checking out the scene, contributing a little manpower to a day project, and basking in the glorious early fall river town weather! I was joined by my friend Kevin from the program and a couple of American expats who teach English in the city. We ended up having our way with a couple machetes to clear some land.

Here is Leo gettin' the job done.

The river is actually very clean, there is just A LOT of silt. I forgot a bathing suit so I swam in a tshirt and canvas workpants. It was quite the work out. Amazing though, I haven't been swimming in ages.

Here is Jessica with the homemade pizza that was cooked in a homemade mud oven!

YOGA on the riverbank!!!!

Photo Credit: Jessica Cartwright

Mendoza-San Rafael

2009-05-15T18:30:00.005-06:00

The program organizes two trips for all the study abroad kids to go on together. We were originally supposed to head to the more tropical-ish north of Argentina, but there was threats of the mosquitos that carry Dengue running rampant so the destinations were changed. It's really too bad because I've had a few friends venture north on their own without a problem.

Nevertheless, the first trip we went on was fabulous. We flew to Mendoza city, the part of Argentina famous for having the best wine in the country. We took a bus a couple hours outside of the city to a more remote area called San Rafael. We stayed in a gorgeous lodge alongside a big river at the foot of a mountain. It looked a lot like Western Colorado. We hiked a bit, played on a zip line, visited some wineries, and ate and drank A LOT.

One thing I really enjoyed was having some free time in the afternoon and sprawling across the grass on the river bank, stretching and doing yoga poses with the girls, or attempting to meditate alone with the sound of the river flowing next to me. I was also thankful again, to have some outside time away from the city. Truly, the only way to survive city life is to have a property in an idyllic outside location. I finally get the vacation-home thing. It's not just pointless luxury, it's mental health!!

I took some photos that are not recoverable (see previous post), but fortunately in this day and age, I have access to most of the pictures everyone else took!

Abby at a Bodega we visited

Group Hiking

Mary, Abby, and I on "EXTREME" day.

Inside one of the Bodegas.

photo credit: Mary Coleman, Jack Butler.

It's been too long...

2009-05-14T09:32:00.003-06:00

I lost my camera, ya'll.

I left it in a cabinet in our lodge in Mendoza. When we called to ask if the cleaning ladies* had picked it up, the response was not surprisingly, "we have no idea what you are talking about." As Javi says, this is Latin America's version of "the free market."

*karmic disclaimer: I'm not accusing the cleaning ladies, but I do know that my camera is somehow in the hands of somebody related to the establishment...

It's been a tough couple weeks. We are about at the halfway point in the semester, and my classes are getting real. I was ambitious with my academic choices here and I'm getting to a point where I just pray I pass the semester. It would be a big shot at my parents' wallet if I am unable to receive any credit for this semester because I thought I was more capable than I am. I've been studying harder and spend nearly three hours a week with various tutors. I hope I can get myself together, it's been pretty stressful.

I've actually got an exam in an hour, I should probably go finish my review :)

Vegetarianism?

2009-04-29T00:15:00.002-06:00

Here's a link to my latest Elephant Journal post.

Sorry, I haven't written much lately!!

Soon to come:

Mendoza trip, report on the Superclásico soccer game, and university update!

Some Fresh Air

2009-04-19T19:12:00.012-06:00

For Semana Santa, I needed to get out of the city.

I was starting to feel smothered and exhausted and I just needed to see some natural beauty.

So, Javi, Facundo, and I hopped on 24 hour bus ride to Bariloche, Patagonia to chill out in a hostel at the foot of the mountains, see some lovely views, and soul search.

I got everything I wanted out the trip. I was much more centered upon my return to Buenos Aires and I have a lot of motivation to take more advantage of Boulder and the Rockies when I get home. I can't believe how lucky I am to be from such a beautiful and refreshing place.

Bariloche is actually pretty similar, visually, to the Rockies. It's a big ski town in the Winter. It's the size of Boulder, but there's an enormous lake in the middle of the mountain-scape. It's incredible--a little touristy--but I don't mind that when we can disappear into the mountains for the afternoon.

We also met a music student named Mauro on the bus up. He is studying in BA but his family lives in Bariloche. He is a blues guitar player who will be attending Berklee next year! I am going to help him with this English while I'm here. His family cooked us an asado (Argentine BBQ) on our last night. It was incredible.

Here are some photos!

when the carne and chorizo were almost done...

Mau, Facundo, y Javier: "The Back Lake Boys"

There are no words...

drinking Mate on Cerro Otto.

Facundo and Mate: the view down the hill...

The lake from Cerro Otto

Javi and I on the lake front

On the hike. We found sticks.

Cumpleaños en Provincia

2009-04-06T20:58:00.009-06:00

This weekend, Javi, Flor, and I took a 2 hour bus ride to a birthday party northeast of the city to a small town in the province call San Martin Coronado. Quiet, modest, retro.

The birthday was of the boyfriend of a friend of Javi's named Santi. He and his musician friends jammed on blues and funk rhythms all night and drank Fernet Cola. They built a fire to keep warm (it's officially autumn in Argentina) and I played the bongos.

This was in the backyard of Santi's family's house:

Now, I am neither a pot-smoker, nor a botanist, but this was SEVEN feet tall!! I couldn't help but be impressed. Welcome to South America!

Here is a video of us singing happy birthday to Santi. I like "Cumple Feliz" with latin rhythm a lot better, don't you??

2009-03-29T17:44:00.003-06:00

Are you from Venezuela or Argentina?

Neither.

Where are you from?

Guess.

Germany?

No.

England?

No.

Canada?

No.

uhhh....hmmm. the US?

Yep!

Oh.

When you are on a continent that thinks your country sucks, I guess it's alright to not appear to be such a yanqui.

Especially when I ask what the stereotype of an American is:

Fat.

Ok then. Continuing the process of breaking down stereotypes one international citizen at a time...

Some photos!

2009-03-29T10:35:00.020-06:00

Hey! Here are some things I've been up to in the last month. Just a little taste...

This is Plaza de Mayo. It's sort of the focal point of the city. This is during a protest on the anniversary of the Military Coup in 1976. We had the day off for this holiday--to commemorate those who had died/disappeared/were kidnapped during that era.

Posters during the protest. "Without housing, work

, health, and education, we continue disappearing." This is a reference to those 30,000 "political dissidents" who disappeared in the 70s during the military dictatorship.

Here is Dad, Ines, and I watching some tango singing and guitar playing.

This is La Peña de Colorado. They provide guitars and everyone gets rowdy playing folkloric music and performing Gaucho dances.

This is at a small bar in the neighborhood. Tango music without the showy dancing. good call.

Venezuela is good for two things: beaches and rum.

"what you guys don't like Chavez?"

Ines' fine cooking. Mmmmm.

Some friends on a Friday night. Or Saturday morning. The weekend schedule here is absolutely absurd. Nobody even goes out until midnight or 1am or 2am....

Here is Esteban with one of the bazillion stray cats that are living the life of luxury in the botanical gardents!

We went to the races! I lost 2 pesos.

This is an extremely relevant picture: it's the used Yerba being thrown away, I'm drinking SO much mate out here. mmmmmmm

Here is Ines and the new kitten, Benito!

¡Que Lindo!

This is at a performance by La Bomba del Tiempo, an improvisational drum troupe. Probably the most fun thing I've done so far!

This is the rooftop of the hostel that I stayed at before the program started. It was absolutely phenomenal.

Hazards, yo.

2009-03-27T18:13:00.003-06:00

I'm sheltered. No denying it. With virtually my entire life spent in Boulder...most of what I know about the world I have read, and that doesn't really mean very much.

So, the freaky things that happen in BA probably aren't all that freaky for people in the rest of the world. Only for sheltered Boulder kids.

Example.

The subte at rush hour makes me want to die. I don't like having other people ALL up in my grill like that, and then Javi showed me a video of the subway rush hour in Caracas, Venezuela.

People LITERALLY could have died trying to get on and off that train, I swear. There were probably twice as many people on the sidewalk waiting to enter than could physically fit on the entire train. The people trying to get out were TRAMPLED by those trying to get in. I felt silly for getting so perturbed by the BA subte. Oh boohoo somebody is elbowing me.

Also.

Traffic here? I would never, ever, ever ride a bike here. (Much less drive..but that's because I don't drive haha). If I had come straight from Boulder and not seen Roman or Neapolitan traffic first, I might be scared to cross the street. Not a lot of attention is paid to lane lines, light changes, pedestrian walks, etc. But, it's NOTHING compared to Italian cities, so it makes me realize that in other parts of the world, it's probably a bazillion times worse. I remember Chris telling me about riding his bike around Rabat, Morocco and at the time I didn't really appreciate what that might look like, but now having spent some time in big cities, I'm glad I didn't know or I would have been worried sick! I bet compared to some of these "developing" parts of the world, Buenos Aires might as well be suburbia.

And.

We have to unlock the front door to get out of the house. Not only to get in, but to get out. I didn't realize how much of a fire hazard this was until Dad pointed it out. If I am at a friend's house, and he leaves the keys somewhere in the apartment, and the kitchen catches on fire, and I can't find them, I physically won't be able to get out. We have to keep our eyes on those keys.

And.

I am convinced that the reason I keep getting sick is because of the pollution. It could be due to the kitten eating cockroaches and then licking my face, but I am pretty certain its the air. Apparently ever visitor from Boulder has independently delivered this same hypothesis to Javi and he thinks we're all lunatics, but I think we just know air quality! Anyway, it's getting to me, and I am really looking forward to some trips out of the city. Argentina has SO much to offer, and I need to jump on it. Pronto.

Oh and also.

A couple people have been mugged so far. Some in a threatening, late night kind of a way, and some just getting pick-pocketed on buses. I've been lucky/careful. People don't really mess with me because I'm bigger (I haven't met many men with a lot of height on me) and angry looking when I walk around. We try to be unappealing women so gross men don't have any interest. I've also learned that if you are somewhat cavalier with your purse, people will think you don't have anything. If you clutch it, obviously you have something of value. In Italy, I had my Mom's travel wallet hanging across my body under all my clothes. Here, I would feel ridiculous doing that. People get mugged in all cities, but I don't feel a constant threat here. One drunk American film student I met was running around the streets with a big, expensive camera, taking artsy pictures of everything and actually being pretty reckless (running into traffic to get pictures of lights, climbing on top of parked delivery trucks, wearing minimal clothing). John and Javi looked at her in disbelief. "If this was Caracas," Javi told me, "You wouldn't have that camera out for one second before somebody came up to you and said, 'Give me that.' And you'd have to." Nothing happened to that girl. Except maybe a headache in the morning..

But.

I did see the most violent thing I've ever witnessed in my entire life outside my door a couple weeks ago. It appeared to be a young gang and a one sole victim. I've seen that kind of stuff in the movies, but never, ever at such a close proximity. I was sitting in a taxi, yards away. The driver wouldn't let me out until the commotion had settled, thank god. I won't go into details, but it was Gruesome (notice the capital G). I think the Taxi driver seemed to think it was racial. That the victim was Peruvian or indigenous or something. Now I refuse to walk alone at night, even down Corrientes, a busy, well-lit, family friendly avenue. Our new Spanish roommate looked at me like I was crazy when I told her I was going to the movie theater via subway instead of just walking. Ines reminded her that I'm only 19--a baby, really.

Hmm. Well, maybe I'm a scaredy-cat, but I would prefer not to earn street cred by witnessing any more gang violence. Just not a priority for this trip.

I shared this story with Americans and they were stunned. I shared it with Latin Americans and they practically patted me on the head. Their expressions half-heartedly said, "mmm, sorry you had to see that." Some responses were stories of incidents MUCH worse witnessed on the streets of other South American cities, and I just thought to myself, "the most threatened I've ever felt in Boulder is when a fox crossed the street in front of me."

Horrible things happen in the world, and BA has its share of ugliness. But, it's so far from the worst of what's going on out there...But, I just don't really have a lot perspective.

Some days I think, I'm am going to die in this city!! Seriously, I will!! But, I am a little Boulder bubble baby also...with much to learn about this big world.

Suerte,

acentos, acentos, acentos....

2009-03-22T22:00:00.003-06:00

With all the music in my childhood, I always thought I'd developed a pretty decent ear. I thought I was an auditory learner, and in fact, I was convinced I had to be told something out loud to remember it.

The more and more my ear fails me here the less I believe this. In fact, I now think my ear isactually pretty mediocre. After being told regularly that I have the worst accent out of a group of gringos (whom I thought sounded absolutely horrendous), I am starting to think maybe I thought a little too highly of my abilities.

But. It's okay.

I was really disappointed at first about how weirdly my Spanish is coming along, but when I thought about why I was disappointed, I wondered what is so bad about having an accent? I am actually enamored with my friends at home who speak English with an accent. I was always kind of jealous that they stood out so obviously as people a little bit different, because I think being different is cool.

Except, apparently, when I am the one who is different. Before my trip, I scoured fashion blogs trying to figure out what Porteños wear. After meeting hordes of Argentine students at a Nuggets/Spurs game, Chris told me I don't look that different from them and I was ecstatic that I might be able to pass for one. I chill with Javi's friends and they ask me if I'm from Argentina or Venezuela (prior to hearing me speak of course), and I beam. But why do I care about these things? Is it really so important to relinquish the traits that make me seem American?

When I walk down the street, of course I don't want to look like I have a "clueless American tourist" stamp on my forehead... for safety reasons. But I wonder, is it less about safety and more about vanity? Am I actually just trying to fit in for the sake of fitting in? Or am I trying to fit in because if I can achieve and Argentine identity it means I'm more capable of true immersion? And what's the deal with immersion anyway? Is it even possible to ever really be immersed in a culture if the culture is cosmopolitan? Imagine a Japanese native with beginner english saying, I want to be immersed in New York City culture in order to understand being American. What does that even mean? Even if that was possible, maintaining what makes us foreign will always get in the way of one hundred percent cultural understanding: childhood experience, sense of humor, daily life's trials and tribulations.

So, can foreigners actually be immersed??

We can be present in a culture, but I don't think we can become it. There will forever be a barrier.

We will always, always, always have our roots.

But, we shouldn't want to detach them and go become a new tree somewhere else. That's not sustainable, your roots are who you are and if you bust your ass trying to get rid of them, you are just hurting yourself.

It especially doesn't make sense for study abroad students to create new cultural identities because we are here to understand, not become. We don't have the time or the need to transform who we are. We just need to become capable of conveying of ideas to and from the culture we study.

So if I have an accent with elements of Argentine, North American, Mexican, and Russian (don't ask..) with a sprinkle of Venezuelan cuss words, it's okay. I hear Mexican, Argentine, and Venezuelan Spanish the most often. I AM North American, and as for Russian, well, that's something I can't explain, so we'll just laugh about that one.

What's not okay is the fact that I don't make any sense when I speak to people. And instead of focusing so much on faking an accent that sounds authentic, I should probably actually deal with content of what I'm saying, and the accent will come later. (or not at all, ain't nothin wrong with the fact that I'm American). It doesn't matter if I can ask for a phone card without an accent. What consequence is there if the employee at the kiosk thinks I'm local? What matters is that I can communicate in sophisticated contexts so I can understand the complexities of culture and language not available to your average tourist.

Easier said than done?

Besos,

"Latin Americans F*** up Countries."

2009-03-18T13:47:00.006-06:00

I got to thinking last night in the Irish-themed novelty pub, as John (the venezuelan film student) explained to me the various offenses committed by a number of countries around the world. The more I understood his qualms, the more I thought that the US might actually be a decent remedy for his troubles. He said he had visited Orlando, a small town in Massachusetts, and NYC, and well, didn't really like the US either. It dawned on me how little of the country's culture he had actually seen, even with that amount of visits.

We began to compare world regions and cultures from the small lenses from which we'd both seem them, and I got some chuckle-worthy insight into Latin Americans' perceptions of their brothers up north.

It should be remembered that the greatest exposure a lot of the world has to America is through our media--Hollywood movies and Pop music, primarily. And since reality TV is, you know, real people, turns out Venezuelans think most American girls act like the girls they see on MTV's The Hills. Evidently, even Venezuelan girls have put on the, like, valley speech, or whatever.

I was about to put John in his place about the difference between what you'll see on TV and what Americans are really like, and it dawned on me...half the girls at my school could be characters on the Hills. And actually probably want to be!

That got me wondering how accurate a portrayal of the US Hollywood actually provides.

I saw the movie Watchmen here in Buenos Aires. That movie has a lot of US cultural history in it, as it takes place in the 60s and 70s. As the history progresses, musical styles change and culture references are dispersed throughout the movie. One line that stood out to me was after one of the superheros was created, the scientist says on the black and white TV screen: "There is a God, and he's American."

Reading those words as spanish subtitles on the huge screen made me blush. To many of us, that would be a joke. We are not as patriotic (nationalistic) as a country as we've been in the past, so the line felt sort of cheesy and nostalgic. And while I bet many Americans probably wouldn't even get that as irony, I doubt a single Argentino in the theater did. They probably rolled their eyes...yanquis. While most Americans aren't going to make a statement like that in earnest, there are definitely self-righteous Americans who WOULD say something like that...

So if the Hills accurately represents my demographic in the US, am I simply an outlier trying to deny American culture?

John continued to talk to me about how annoying it seems like most American girls are. Oddly, he'd met three girls, including me, from Boulder and they were the only Americans whose company he enjoyed. (such an oasis, this Boulder...). I wanted to refute this stereotype, and as the calculated words were about to come from my mouth, about 3 or 4 female American tourists sat down at the other end of the table and started yammering away like absolute idiots. They were really obnoxious. John made the motion of a backhand in their direction and I laughed. So much for my retort.

I was starting to feel a little defeated with the boo-America talk, when all of a sudden John says, "I heard the population of Latinos in the US is increasing a lot. Maybe only a 10 years and there will be a Latino president."

I nodded with a smile, there is a huge increase in the Latino population--hooray for American diversity!!

Which is when he drops this bomb:

"That's too bad, Latin Americans f*** up countries."

I almost spit out my bar peanuts.

"Excuse me??"

"It's our culture," He explained, "Latinos ruined Miami. They don't understand that hanging laundry from balconies is ugly. No Latinos understand that nobody wants to see their underwear." He motioned to two Argentine men peeing behind a tree right next to the bar in the upscale neighborhood we were in. "See? look at that. That will be your country."

John doesn't realize we already have a lot of irresponsible men pissing all over our country. I doubt some latin spices are going to do any more damage. But, it was interesting to hear that culture-hating isn't limited to south-north. There's plenty of self-deprecating citizens of the world as well.

Maybe universal intolerance will be the new playing field. We can all be hated equally? Even by our own brethren?

I don't know...

I have no conclusion. I just hope all the F***ed-up Latin American countries get it together so we don't have to talk about it like that anymore....

I got my new shoes on!

2009-03-18T13:03:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, I finally got the "i'm going to college in Argentina" vibe when I walked out of the apartment towards the B-line subte. I was going to the Universidad de Buenos Aires (UBA), the large public university in the city. So far the classes I have visited were at la Facultad Latinoamerica de Ciencias Sociales (FLACSO), which is the graduate school that our study abroad program is partnering with. All of the students in my FLACSO classes are Americans on my program. I also checked out a few at the Universidad Católica de Argentina (UCA), which is a Daddy's money kind of a private school. The school's restroom signs have stick figures in the shape of crucifixes and you aren't allowed to wear rubber flip flops. May not really sound like my style but all the students there were cute and amicable, and the fashion I saw was pretty sweet. However, all the classes I took ONLY had foreigners in them because it was through an international program. As cool as it is meeting other Americans in Argentina, I really want to see a legit college classroom here.

So yesterday, I was trying out something different.

I was so stoked getting onto the Subte in order to go to UBA. Finally, my first day of school jitters! Part of my excitement was due to the fact that I wasn't actually supposed to be taking classes there. Because I had only passed into a low level of spanish, they didn't recommend I direct enroll with locals--I probably can't handle it. But, if I came all the way to South America to study with South Americans, I'm going to study with South Americans!!! So, I enrolled anyway.

As I walked down the street, I was going over the various ways I could start conversation with locals when I got to class. I was interrupted by a blonde girl with a North American accent ask me in spanish if I was going to the Mejias building. I responded affirmatively and she asked me what study abroad program I was on. Shoot, I thought. Called out already? We began to chat and realized we were going to the same class. I began to wonder how many extranjeros (foreigners) would be joining us.

Then, I saw it. What appeared to be outdated protest signs with peeling paint covered the side of a huge gray building. I peered into a window and saw students bustling about, relaxed, but with purpose. This was no UCA. I had gotten used to the marble-esque staircase, freshly painted walls, and river port back drop of the private school. I was now facing political protest graffiti from floor to ceiling, broken desks, dim lights, and young Argentine activists that regularly spoke like they were talking into a megaphone.

Welcome to public school, I thought.

I was in love.

My class was called Transition, Crisis, and Reform: The New Scenarios in Latin America. It was a fairly small class, but after a couple minutes of chatting with my new friend from Indiana, a crew of three other FLACSO kids entered the classroom. They were my friends, but I was surprised to see them. I thought this was supposed to be authentic Buenos Aires. It wasn't until the end of the class when the TA asked how many foreign kids were there and I realized almost 2/3 of the class weren't from Argentina. I almost choked.

But as my friends and I headed to the photocopy store to get our readings after class, I was overwhelmed by the hordes of (Argentine) students crowding the halls, the papers being flung around, the chorus of spanish slang words, and the art of it all. I decided having a couple English speaking friends as support in a tough class is no tragedy, and just being in that building gives me exposure.

So, I got over myself. Look forward to next week, Prof.

Quiz Results: You are 18% Shameless Tourist!

2009-03-15T23:53:00.004-06:00

I am so much more invigorated by good company in a modest kitchen in the Barrio then I am by collecting snapshots of myself in front of world-famous attractions.

Today, Javi and I sat in the kitchen for nearly SEVEN hours drinking mate and chatting in spanish (hey-o) about many things, including that mysterious topic of tourism that always seems to be hovering over me in this country.

Dad had an absolutely incredible visit to BA with a very minimal tourist agenda. He saw Recoleta Cemetery, wandered Puerto Madero, and listened to some Tango, but it was by no means because of a strict adherence to a guidebook's itinerary suggestions. Dad's trip was amazing because he was interested in becoming more intimate with something specific: daily life, food styles, some music, basic spanish. Things that are not out of reach with some local connections and SO much more rewarding in the end.

Will I be devastated if I come all the way to Argentina and don't see Patagonia? Mendoza? Punto del Este? Igazu Falls? No, no I won't. I guarantee I would have an amazing time in those places, but what moves me more than being able to say, "Hell yeah I went to Patagonia! Yeah I skied! Yeah it was awesome!" is actually feeling like I made an authentic connection with the culture.

And the path to that is...ding ding ding! The people!!

I like interesting people more than beautiful places.

Hablamos.

ASSERTION!!

2009-03-15T21:40:00.003-06:00

I'm often fond of subtlety.

in poetry, in fashion, in wit, in spices.

when I travel, I kind of prefer taking pictures of laundry hanging out to dry than I do national monuments.

when I'm insulted, I'd rather have it be a puzzle than an obvious broadcast.

when I go hiking, I'm more satisfied smelling the trees than I am reaching the summit.

....

But there comes a time when the non-confrontational, conflicting-fearing, manner-conscious mediators are not celebrated for the beauty of their oh-so-subtle behaviors, but overlooked as, well, non-existent.

This is what happens in Latin America. You see my friends, while the people here are relaxed and friendly, they don't mess around. Straight shooters, persistent, forward. When there is something to be said, it is said. When they are told by some beat-around-the-bush type, "yeah, i'm not so sure...maybe..I'll think about it...," he might as well have said "WHATEVER YOU WANT."

Some people come to Latin America to chillll. Hammocks, beers, fiestas, what have you.

But if you are going to chill, you are going to do it in the most blatantly and obviously and everyone will know what's up with you. There's just not a lot of bullshit here*.

*except from taxi drivers.

This is good for me. It's good for some of the qualities that emerge from us picket-fence Americans on not-so-bold days in the big city: indecisiveness, timidity, shyness, self-consciousness.

(Wait, Caro, you're shy? No te creo, I don't believe you! says the local friend who doesn't know it, but is helping to bring out the fiery latina that I know is in here somewhere).

Latin America is helping me CUT THE CRAP, get to the POINT, say N-O when I mean NO.

Take PRIDE. sing LOUDLY. JAYWALK!! get OUT. leave the CASA. leave the BARRIO. leave the CAPITAL. learn merengue! or tango?? eat organ meat. INTRODUCE MYSELF. tell the truth. LAY IT ON THE TABLE. do what I gotta do. respond, "si! en serio! soy americana!" Take INITIATIVE. do something kind. PAY ATTENTION. walk with intention.

It's hard to imagine when I went to DC with mom, grandma, and aunts julie and chris that I was downright intimidated by the need to hail a cab.

(woah, woah, woah...stand out in the street and wave your arms so everyone will look at you?? no thanks! I'll just walk on the far side of the sidewalk where nobody will see me...)

Not anymore. There's some authentic boldness in my gait these days and I am starting look forward to nasty cat-calls so I can say, "Che! Te conozco?? Do I know you?? NO!? Enough!"

Who would have thought I'd be less shy when I'm speaking a language I don't actually know! It's a funny phenomenon. I'm willing to sacrifice some dignity to learn, because you HAVE to. An american girl I met working in a hostel raised her beer glass in the air, and in response to somebody's "here's to us having a great, long night!" she meant to say something to the effect of, "and here's to me being a cranky bitch in the morning!" But, in her not-quite perfect spanish she actually said, "And here's to me being a big slut tonight!" All the locals looked at her incredulously, and quickly corrected her. Then we all died laughing. She was not embarrassed even a little bit, because those are the mistakes that MUST be made to learn.

Nowadays, in situations where before I might have been nervous about presenting myself to others in some way, I just don't worry. Maybe because now I can always blame my horrible spanish for my awkwardness instead of having to accept that I might just be a straight-up awkward person!

The point is that it's wonderful to lose stupid fears that hold you back and I hope I can internalize this stuff permanently!!!

Nos Vemos, Amigos.

caro

(some more perspective)

2009-03-15T21:28:00.001-06:00

check out my dad's comment on the previous post for some more stories!

Pace...

2009-03-13T09:46:00.008-06:00

When I think about the concept of study abroad, there are two important reasons to do it that I think most program directors have rendered cliché, but are still a really useful frame of reference:

1. Promoting understanding between cultures.

2. Positive exchange of ideas.

The first one I think is especially important as an American. I don't know if you guys heard, but we have a bit of a bad rap around the world these days.... We need to be presenting ourselves as open-minded, educated, and cosmopolitan, and less as a self-absorbed, self-righteous, blindly nationalistic group of bullies. Which, by the way, most of us are NOT, but we seem to viewed that way as a collective.

So, by immersing ourselves in another culture we are not only able to understand more about the way millions of other people live day-to-day in the world but also give the rest of the world a chance to see Americans in a positive light. Then we can all understand political and cultural situations beyond what national medias and hearsay provide.

The second reason, to me, has always been about bringing knowledge home. I think it's important to study abroad, or at least travel, to places that are very different from what we already know. Chris' trip to Morocco, Matt's trip to Madagascar, Lyndia's trip to Nepal. These are places with a way of living radically different than the US. It's an amazing opportunity to see what works for others peoples and societies and what doesn't. We then have the power to bring back the positive attitudes and behaviors that maybe Americans lack. I was thinking about this idea today, and how, well, it's kind of selfish. I sort of bumble around Buenos Aires looking for some amazing outlook on life that I can apply to my life at home. But, the more I search for an outlook, the further it seems within my grasp.

I think it's because I am not looking to give something the same way I expect to take something from this experience.

What am I talking about? The life the Porteños (those who life in Buenos Aires) is pretty different than American life, and certainly different from Boulder life. But it's not radically different. Both my dad and I have found ourselves extremely comfortable here. Yesterday he said that he knows he is comfortable when he does the same things he would at home: plays his guitar, writes songs, eats good food, cooks chicken wings, visits with friends. Do we just have a different backdrop?

I'm trying to figure out what is making my adjustment to life here so simple. Is it the fact that I am around Americans so often via program kids? Is it because Inés is a bomb host and makes me feel at home with my own room, wifi, and dulce de leche galore? Or have I not actually adjusted to the different culture and am sitting in a tourist limbo--between novelty maté sessions and tours around Caminito, perhaps I haven't actually fully thrown myself into the thick of it?

I have been proactive in my attempts. Trying to hang out with locals as much as possible. But my dad's trip here sent things on a little different vector as I attempted to show him what I had learned in my first two weeks being here. I sort of had to put language immersion on hold for these two weeks. Next week I will attempt to return to my objective and get talking way, way, way more.

But. I need to get over the fact that I SHOULD BE LEARNING (and thereby taking something home) at all times.

This brings me to the title of today's blog. The pace of life here is a phenomenon that I've noticed transcends a lot of daily culture.

These are "superficial" cultural observations that are always brought up in conversations with other tourists, but they clearly indicate some element of the local culture.

1. Transportation:

The subte (subway) can be Tokyo crowded here. Lose your privacy, lose your personal space, sweat balls. Pickpocketing on the subte or colectivo (bus) is common. You can only pay with exact change on the colectivo, and there is a huge shortage of currency due to some poor policies, and now there is mad hoarding of coins. Using precious moneda on the bus better be worth the trip. Oh and if you run out? Good luck getting change.

2. Food:

So much meat...large quantities, dulce de leche, medialunas (croissants), low prices, vino.

3. The Schedule:

Okay, so. Porteños eat dinner between 9 and 11. For weekends, it's fine because you need some energy if you are going to dance until 6am, but it definitely is taking some getting used to.

Why so late? If you eat lunch at one, you are hungry by 7.

This is where pace is brought to the equation. Argentinians are not known for punctuality. In fact, for an exact appointment or date, there is a 15 minute buffer for it to actual happen. For something less formal, 15 to 45 minutes is more than acceptable. In a big city with somewhat unpredictable transportation, it makes sense. But in my observations, people also just sort of do what they want, when they want, at the speed they want. So, dinner just sort of happens...eventually.

This may sound frustrating to you Type A's out there, but I actually fit in very well with this lifestyle.

In Boulder, I would get up hours before class so that I could bumble around my house, drink my tea slowly, finish up some homework, read the news. I still happened to be AT LEAST ten minutes late every single day last semester. And I was perfectly okay with it. I never seemed to miss anything important and I stopped feeling awkward walking into rooms and having everyone stare at me. So, here, the Argentine habit feels perfectly normal. It makes me think I should have studied somewhere like Germany, so I could learn some discipline!!

Just kidding, kind of. But that brings me to the issue I am facing. I seem to be under the impression that studying abroad/traveling should be so taxing and radical, that you return with perspective you never would have garnered in your own country nor with your own resources. And the path to that perspective is HARD, rigorous, shocking.

I was latched to this idea of being super-challenged by my semester, but with a cultural experience, I'm quickly realizing there are no guidelines for how it should affect you. Just because I'm not having a massive culture-shock, doesn't mean I am not learning. Language is a HUGE issue, but it doesn't paralyze me. Big city life is different, but I'm not freaked out. I'm running with the current here in BA and it's not "changing my life" via shock treatment.

I need to get to the point where I am not desperately seeking something LIFE-CHANGING because it's never going to happen if all you're doing is pining for some earth-shattering epiphany and not actually living the experience.

So I need to chill. But not too much. I still have to be conscious, aware, observant. But in a more neutral way.

And I can keep moving in slow motion and be late to everything!!

Pops is in BA

2009-03-06T07:49:00.003-07:00

It's been a few days since Dad arrived here in the city, and I think he is enamored.

Ines has been an absolute dream by giving up the other extra room for him to sleep in. She a made bomb carne dinner and has been embracing the wine and music each night. At first it was really fun for me because I had to translate between Ines and Dad. But because she has decent English, after getting accustomed to his accent, they were able to communicate just fine. Ultimately, that's better, of course, but I sure did enjoy the translating. It forced me to pay more attention to the content of Ines' spanish, since its easy to zone out with so much foreign language being thrown at you. It also gave me more practice in speaking because I needed to formulate my Dad's ideas and humor into coherent spanish thoughts. It was fun.

The first day here, I had to do a full day of activities with the program, so I had to hand Dad a map and point toward Recoleta. He got to see a lot of the city on his walk, visited the famous cemetery, ate a steak meal at a Restaurant called "Clark's," and took lots of photos of the old F0rd trucks that buzz around the neighborhood. Dad and Ines found a cheap guitar (USD 85) and Dad caused quite a stir in the music shop with all of his old American rock songs. Argentinos LOVE rock music. We visited Palermo yesterday for a fancy lunch and a look at the higher end barrio, and today we'll go to Boca to see that colorful neighborhood you see in all those photos of Buenos Aires.

Classes begin next week (wait, I'm here to study??) and things are getting real!

Dollar went up on the peso!

2009-03-03T15:52:00.004-07:00

USD$1=ARS$3.61

just in case you were wondering.

Deep Culture Observation 1

2009-03-03T15:25:00.003-07:00

In a presentation by the program staff, we got a very cute drawing of an iceberg and were reminded that there exists two types of cultures relevant to foreigners.

Surface culture: what we see about a people. They way they look physically, how they walk and talk. Accents, clothing styles. Music, dance, crafts. Folky things.

Then underneath the surface of course, there are the things that really take some effort to discover. What exactly are these unseated gems of cultural relevance?

I have no idea so far, but I've been thinking about it.

One kid on the program, with an affinity for soccer, brought up the idea of fighting. He noticed when two men chased down a pick pocket, instead of tackling him or socking him in the face, like you might see in the States, they actually slide tackled him and just kicked the crap out of him.

We started discussing aggression styles on a cultural level. You will fight in ways you your body knows. The US, which seems to have a physical history in sports like boxing, baseball, and football, we would most likely fight with fists, bat-like weapons, and body tackles. Latin America and likely many parts of Europe use soccer tactics--like the angry member of the crowd who headbutted the bouncer outside of the drum show I attended. That is not something you see in the States.

In the east, where martial arts styles are really popular forms of exercise, I would guess that street fighting has pretty clear roots in karate, etc tactics.

I'm no expert, but it's an interesting thought.

I'll let you know what else we come up with.

y feliz cumpleaños a chris!

2009-02-27T03:16:00.002-07:00

crash

2009-02-24T11:36:00.006-07:00

Today one of the program directors talked about what it feels like to get sick of the city.

Too much pollution.

Too much noise.

Too fast.

Too many people.

And later, in the hot afternoon sun, as I walked down a busy, smelly, dilapidated sidewalk, I remembered the feeling I had alone in Hotel Roma. Phone-less, internet-less, and far from the downtown streets, I felt isolated. I kept BBC World on at all moments, including while I slept, as a reminder that there are indeed people in the world. I yearned for human interaction. My conversations with cab drivers were the highlight of my day. I needed so badly just to be in the presence of people.

But oddly, in reality, in big cities like Rome and Buenos Aires, the presence of people is actually all there is. It's easy to feel a bit isolated when you don't have many relationships in the city, but the simple presence of people is ubiquitous. You see it directly, when you dodge the hordes of traffic and pedestrians. But you also see it in the very establishment of the city itself. Buildings, signs, graffiti, trash, lights, noise--it's all human creation. And embracing these things is like feeling the beating pulse of the city. As the pulse becomes a constant force in your life, you are naturally connecting with the other human beings who are dependent on its continued beating.

I didn't always feel the pulse at home. I seem to have been spoiled by my hometown. I'm blind to much of the struggle in the world, because it seems like in Boulder, everyone is "happy." And if they aren't, well by golly, they'll do what they need to do to change it. Most people have a means to happiness in Boulder--the resources to create the life they need. If things don't go perfectly, well shoot, we've got those Rocky Mountains and one of the most beautiful views in the country. Life isn't so bad, afterall.

But what happens when you don't have the luxury to escape into nature? What happens if you live in a big, stinky, dynamic wave pool of a home in which very little is at your command?

Well, you breathe the pollution, you argue fruitlessly with taxi drivers, and you learn to sleep to the noise.

But what is beautiful is that all of the city breathes pollution. And everyone is arguing for the same reason: because they need this money. And each person hears the same harmony of cursing and honking as they drift off to sleep each night.

The city is a living, breathing organism, dependent on the endurance of its organs--the people. Everyone is in it together. When I think about that, all the noise, the grime, and the subsequent growth...well, I realize how truly nourishing it is to witness them.

..and feliz cumpleaños a mi mama.

2009-02-24T08:32:00.002-07:00

¡Los Detalles!

2009-02-24T07:31:00.003-07:00

We've not yet gotten into much of a routine here in the program.

Orientation is still occurring, and we basically receive a couple hours of vague, generalized information about the education system, and then get an absurd amount of time to "tomar cafe" or eat empanadas. But, I'll share with you a little bit of what I've been up to thus far.

The staff on the program is incredibly friendly. They are all young and beautiful. They'll lounge around the courtyard during breaks. While draped across stairs and cafe chairs, dangling cigarettes, they look like they were plucked out of a Vogue shoot.

I live with Ines. She has a many connections to FLACSO (la facultad latinoamerica de ciencias sociales), which is our home institution on the program. She has been a conversation and subject tutor, which is wonderful for me. She loves to chat and is more than happy to correct my verb conjugations and broken phrasing. Ines is a petite woman in her late 30s of Spanish and German descent (although her heritage no le importa). She is bubbly and friendly and a cousin to Juan, one of the staff members of the program. There are two Juans, so many of the girls refer to him as "sexiJuan." Ines finds this rather comical.

We live in a fairly spacious apartment on the first floor up. We have a balcony, but the neighborhood is not a particularly great view. Lots of graffiti, neon signage, trash. Walking me home from a party last night, one of the guys on the program said, "Damn, you live in the Barrio, chica." I have my own room though, and a big one at that, and internet, so I can't complain. Especially since I'm less than a ten minute walk away from FLACSO and one of the Universidad de Buenos Aires (UBA) buildings.

I like Buenos Aires a lot. Still not certain if I could live in a big city like this, but I feel quite comfortable. One of the things that strikes me is the mix of buzzing big city glitz and the laid-back latin american attitude. Things don't often occur on time, but they will occur...eventually. I have not really gotten the uber-narcissistic nationalist vibe yet, but apparently the rest of the continent detests Argentinians for their snobbery. When the country thinks it's part of Europe, I suppose I can understand. One kid on the program, with the utmost political correctness, observed Buenos Aires as a city that seems like "a bunch of Italians landed in Mexico."

One of my big fears about the big city was simply maneuvering it. There are 5 subte lines (subways) and a bazillion bondis (buses) and a lot of hustling taxi drivers. I'm extremely thankful Chris and I went to Rome this year, so I could get some exposure to the big city before arriving. I'm doing extremely well, and in fact, I've become sort of an authority among my program friends for navigation. I feel very accomplished--not having gotten lost and needing to pay 300 pesos to get home. *knock on wood*

The weather is great right now. It's hot, but not uncomfortably so, and we get a wonderful breeze. Although, at home on Azcenagua and Corrientes, the breeze smells like hot concrete. I got used to the humidity much quicker than I anticipated, and now have the perpetual glow of somebody with truly healthy skin. It's awesome. Although, with amount of red meat I have been consuming, I'd venture to guess I'm not at my healthiest.

How is the red meat, you ask? You hear it's known the world over?? Well, the quality of meat is definitely great, but as mi amigo nuevo Esteban tells me, Argentine gastronomics are bit boring. When a slab of steak lands on your plate at a restaurant, there is nothing there but the meat. No sauce, no sides, no spices. Meat. Good meat, but bare. Ines says when she eats food, she wants to eat the food...not chimichurri, not mayonnaise, but the food itself. I can respect that, but it still surprises me. I've had a couple Italian dishes that I liked a lot, the fracturas are bomb (sweet crossiants for breakfast), and apparently pizza is something I NEED to try here. Empanadas are good too, but can be hit or miss (particularly in the digestive department).

Argentina is on the rise, economically. All these stories about Buenos Aires being this secret pocket of dirt-cheap luxury are nearly obsolete-- it looks like the secret is out. It's definitely cheaper here than the US, and WAY cheaper than Europe, but it was not the tourist dream scene it was between 2002-2005. Taxis charge twice as much as they did two years ago, and it's not hard to spend money at restaurants at the same rate you would in the US--especially in the nicer neighborhoods like Palermo and Puerto Madero. I have to be careful.

Dad comes out to visit in less than a week. He will be able to stay with Ines and I in the barrio, and Ines will be a great connection because she is pretty plugged into the musical scene. I may take him to see El Bomba de Tiempo ("the time bomb"), which is a phenomenally popular improvisational drum show that each week, but it's getting a bit out of hand. There was nearly a riot outside the door last night. I was inches away from an angry member of the mob headbutting the bouncer. No joke. When the other guards tackled the rogue fan, his foot got caught on the strap of my purse and I nearly fell into the brawl of five 150 pound men beating the shit out of each other. I was totally fine, of course, but lord, was that exhilarating. I suppose Dad, who is bigger than any Argentine men I have seen, would not be such a bad companion!

More to come--we get placed in our spanish levels tomorrow so that we can begin registering for classes and being actual students (sigh...), but I think there is a trip to Punto Este (the best Uruguayan beach) this weekend, so we'll try and hold onto the summer as long as possible.

white flight.

2009-02-19T10:49:00.006-07:00

My stay at the amazing Hostel Estoril has come to an end. My friends who work there, though, are reason enough for me to take up their offer to come back any time. And not just to stay, but to ask questions, get help about the city, or even just hang out. They said they would love for me to return. And I have every intention of doing so because I so far I've learned a great deal chatting with the staff about Buenos Aires and the spanish language, and it has been a major highlight. Esteban took me to the Botanical Gardens in Palermo, a beautiful oasis in the middle of the city. We wandered around and he humored my spanish skills, and it was lovely. I stayed up all night with Nacho (short for Ignacio) and talked about economics and music and all the crazy foreigners who come through the hostel. I loved that they were willing to suffer through my broken grammar and correct my silly mistakes. I was so pleased that when they spoke super slow and clearly...I could understand them! I love that hostel and its roof terrace. I will certainly return.

I had to be extremely proactive in minimizing my contact with the the other tourists staying there. I did make some good friends from the states, but they had many connections in the city, from which I made even more local friends.

I didn't like being exposed to all the English that come along with quick trip tourists in Latin America, and I am now nervous about the way this program will unfold given the amount of English speakers. There are 100 American students here. Already I can see cliques forming and freaked out people clutching to one another. I must not succumb to that. If I truly, truly enjoy somebody's company, of course I won't force myself away from them; but I refuse to spend the great deal of my semester with short term friends whose only purpose is to calm my foreign country jitters.

I've got contacts here already, people to spend time with and practice spanish. Eye on the prize: learn spanish!!

Safe!

2009-02-14T16:04:00.002-07:00

Took a very smooth flight from DC to BA, where most of the passengers were elderly folks getting prepared for a cruise to Antarctica! I befriended an 80-something year old Catholic bishop from North Dakota who wouldn't stop buying me treats in the terminal. He was a good friend. Hope you have fun on that cruise, Father Schneider, where ever you may be...

Landed and hopped aboard a shuttle to the city center, checked into a very youthful urban hostel. I'm in a dorm room with 5 other girls. It feels like one giant slumber party. A little wild, don't think I'll reserve my Dad a room here for when he gets to the city...

There's a rooftop bar and terrace with a small swimming pool, free wifi, included breakfast, and towels, and all that jazz.

Spent the day wandering around the neighborhood, saw some cool buildings and enjoyed the hot weather. My new friend Ryan and I watched Boca Juniors lose to Newall on the big screen at Locos por el Fútbol, a restaurant near the Recoleta cemetery. We ate burgers and drank Quilmes--the national beer of Argentina, which pretty much is an equal to something like Coors Light...but it was nice on a hot day!

My spanish is SUBPAR, to say the least. I really struggled having any conversations with waiters and such. I think once I get away from all these Americans and find a language partner or something, it might be easier. But today was a little discouraging. I felt like I was still in Italy...that's how little I understood the accent and content.

I dig Buenos Aires. Though I feel like I've barely made a dent on what there is to see and do in the city. Woo-wee, this is going to be an exciting semester!

Is it possible to embark on international travel without money or a passport???

2009-02-11T14:55:00.002-07:00

my passport grew legs and walked out of my room.

my bank cancelled my card because of a "security breach" and somebody eff-ed up over there so there is a chance I won't get a new one until....after I have left the country.

of course, i can't leave the country without a passport, so...

time to enroll at CU?

shoot.

A taste of the Italy pictures....

2009-01-21T14:50:00.022-07:00

on the edge of Pompeii

all the markets in Naples are outside. here's the fishies and the eels. ew.

this is an urn in the St. Peter's basilica...creepy vatican city...

vespas, cobblestones, shoddy parking jobs. thees eez italy.

tight ruins, rome.

Colosseum!

mad tourists in Piazza di Spagna

sexy.

Motorized tricycle in Ischia...haha.

"Mom, guess what we did today?...ate gelato!! oh, and saw the Pope!"

"The World is Changing..." Wow. I'm digging the graffiti question-mark.

My favorite sculpture, Michaelangelo's Pieta in St. Peter's basilica

Outside our Roman bungalow with a couple of boxes of cheap vino di tavolo!

The Spanish-built castle outside of our hotel in Naples! Looks fake, huh.

Pompeii--so perfectly preserved...

A view of the Mediterranean from the island of Ischia

Chris was really excited about the party box being on sale after New Years was over...sweet 'stache, by the way...

chillin with an anonymous pompous figure in Villa Borghese

Oh yeah, hey America, what's up?

2009-01-20T18:22:00.002-07:00

Two things happened today that brought my head out of the international cloud and back home.

1. The inauguration of Barack Obama.

In spite of the fact that this day has been all over the news, internet, and mouths of CU students, I almost forgot today was the day until I walked in the UMC on campus and saw the enormous screens set up for the viewing pleasure of those not in class. I entered just in time to blush at Barack stumbling over the chief justice's words as he was sworn in. I watched his whole speech with tears welling in my eyes. I was uplifted by his words. For the first time in a long time, I actually felt hopeful. Obviously hope has been at the crux of his campaign, but in all honesty, it felt pretty empty until today. Lately, I've been pretty concerned about the rise and fall of empires, and America certainly appears to be on its way downhill. But Barack truly helped me find some faith in the perseverance and strength of America. When I saw a woman in the crowd, who was not an American citizen say as she looked out into the audience of all colors, creeds, and classes coming together, "I'm jealous of America. No other country in the world would be able to do this." One thing that really struck a chord with me was one simple word Barack used: "imagination."

When it comes to all the trouble we are currently facing, I now I just can't wait to see what we all come up with.

2. Laura and Brent were accepted into Teach for America.

The two teammates I work with on recruitment for Teach for America were just accepted into the corps. Being a Campus Campaign Coordinator (our job title) does not give you much of an edge over the other amazing candidates that apply for TFA. Laura and Brent are both such amazing human beings, that the thought of the highly selective organization overlooking them was heartbreaking. But I'm so pleased to find out that my fears were in vain. By next year, I will have four friends working in the Corps: Jessa (English in Memphis), Darren (physics in Atlanta), Laura (art in the Delta) and Brent (special ed in Louisiana). I am so touched by their service and again, so hopeful for change to the inequity in our national public education system. With folks like this fighting in the "trenches," I do know reform can and will happen. I am just so EXCITED for these guys to be a part of it. Here is a clip from Oprah that shows the problem in public schools that I am talking about, and committed to fighting.

A part of me feels like I'm abandoning some heavy issues at home that I could be fighting (especially by throwing all my dollars at another nation's economy...), but I know that I will gain a valuable perspective abroad that will help me to be a strong citizen of the US.

ciao bella italia.

2009-01-19T14:36:00.006-07:00

So.

I've made it back from Italy--alive and kickin'!

Chris and I had an amazing time riding the A -line metro through Rome, visiting downtown restaurants, upscale boutiques (from a distance), and getting pudgy from street pizza and spaghetti carbonara. It was dreamy. We were also lucky that Europeans all have a fondness for public displays of affection, so Chris and I could meander around shamelessly locked to each other--especially in the famously romantic villa Borghese, where we wandered through amazing art museums, outdoor monuments, and watched the ducks splash about in the big fancy pond.

I had envisioned a very touristy jaunt through the city, but it's amazing how much you can learn about a culture simply by opting for public transportation. We had to take a bus from our hostel to the metro stop in order to get to the city center, and that's where we saw "real" italy. That, and in Napoli--Craziest city of all time (and not in an entirely good way...but we certainly enjoyed our stay). Here is a link to Chris' spot on description of our Neapolitan experience. We still enjoyed a great deal of touristy spots (Spanish steps, Colosseum, Pompeii, Pantheon, Vatican City, etc), but it still felt very cultural to me, seeing as how most of the tourists were European and I don't know much about ANY European peoples!

I loved watching the styles. I'm sure Chris got annoyed of me talking about clothes. Especially complaining about how little I fit in with my behind-the-times brown wool peacoat when EVERYONE was wearing black down jackets with furry hoods (and I mean everyone...it was almost frightening). There was no color in Europe. Only black and dark colors that look black. But, people are definitely flashier in Italy. All the jeans were gaudy as hell, and everyone's hair, and shoes, and sunglasses were just so shiny and bold. Designer wear was everywhere, but with the amount of black-market knockoffs being sold on the street, chances are most are fake. It turned out that one of the most fun places to style-watch was the McDonald's by the Spanish Steps. First off, did you guys know how unfair McDonald's is being to us? They have shrimp, parmesan spinach balls, gelato, and a full espresso bar at the Italian McDonald's. Royal treatment overseas! What is this?? That Mickey D's (which we did not eat at, thank you very much, only used the facilities) was the largest restaurant I've seen in my entire life. It was packed full of expensively dressed European families chowing down on those oh so exquisite french fries. There was mock classical statues and silver emblazoned logos. They don't mess around in Europe. Damn.

Italian people are goofy. Boisterous, loud, kind of aggressive, but very good natured. I noticed also that Italians know exactly what they want. If you go to a cafe, you do not look at all the choices and linger on the menus. You come in knowing exactly what it is you are looking for and promptly bounce. The baristas and waiters would get so irritated with Chris and I dilly-dallying over pizza choices. Most restaurants have the entire menus and prices displayed grandly outside the door to avoid such silliness and even clothing stores have enormous price tags on all the clothes sitting in the display window. Shopping can be more of a surgical strike that way, I suppose. I didn't fit in because I'm indecisive. That personality trait was almost deadly when it came to traffic. I don't even like jay-walking in Boulder--the pedestrian capital of the world. But, if I couldn't get over that and just blindly walk into traffic as if there weren't hundreds of speeding Fiats ignoring lane lines and pedestrian crossings, I would not have been able to get anywhere! Italian traffic is disgusting and hilarious. All those tiny smart cars zipping around like a derby race and old ladies and women with strollers dodging them to get to the grocery store...what a sight.

Two of my favorite things to pay attention to in other countries: the people and the architectural subtleties. I'm no expert, but Rome is quite stunning because of the spectrum of ages of all the architecture. Ancient buildings like the Pantheon to flashy new airports: they call it a time machine. But I enjoy the smaller elements of buildings and architecture. You can definitely tell what pictures I took because I couldn't stop getting excited about little things, like shutters, doors, alleyways, and the laundry hanging from balconies. When you live somewhere, those special little nuances are easy to forget on a day-to-day basis, but I have a deep appreciation for them.

One thing I certainly found interesting about Italy was how wonderful a warm-up the travel experience is for Argentina. Not only do I have a better grasp of the sing-song romance accent, but I've gotten some important experience for big city maneuvering. Also, because Chris left early and I had a few days to myself, I was able to come to terms with the skills I seriously lack as a traveler. Who knew paying attention was so important?

I got into some jams (expensive ones at that) because I was not as observant as I needed to be in order to successfully get from place to place. Turns out my intelligence when it comes to space and direction is pretty below par! That's something I need to practice, and not be so dependent on others for figuring out maps, train routes, bus systems, neighborhoods, and the path back home.

I also experienced some overwhelming loneliness when I had a big hotel room all to myself and no means of connecting with any of my loved ones. I felt pretty pathetic, knowing how lucky I was to have such a sweet set-up (thanks, Mom) and such a short stay, but still have mad anxiety. It was something I'd never experienced. That tendency of mine is something important that I need to face in order to adequately prepare myself for Buenos Aires. Upon my return the states, I promptly facebooked all the kids going from CU on my program, hoping that somebody will be going to BA early like me, so that I can explore the possibility of having a travel partner. Being the inexperienced traveler I am, I have no problem being reliant on a team effort (at least for the time being). I hope to connect myself with my one young contact down there, Natalia, a girl who studied abroad in Boulder last semester.

We've got lots of pictures that will make there way onto the blog and facebook, so be on the lookout!

Love Letters to Morocco

2008-12-20T13:44:00.001-07:00

I'm a about to turn a corner.

I am an international affairs major, attempting to become culturally competent in a globalized world,

yet I've never left the

United States.

(save a quick stop on the Canadian side of Niagra Falls, when I was ten.)

I've been trying to fly alongside Chris in his North African adventure. I love listening to him speak French to the cafe employees, I am fascinated by the jarring Rabat traffic noise I can sometimes hear outside during Skype calls, I like to imagine the atmosphere during Muslim holidays, and I love seeing the photos of sunsets, deserts, and and mountains. But, there's only so much I can experience through second hand stories and glimpses of Rabat's internet cafes. Someday I will make it to Morocco, myself. For now, a couple other destinations are on my path. Chris has finally finished the semester and is now skipping through the streets of Marseilles. Soon we will be reuniting in Italy. My first foreign country with by boo. wow!

It's going to be a very new experience. I don't know how to plan a trip, I don't really know how to travel. (Chris will keep my ignorance-induced anxiety at a minimum though.) We've obtained a Lonely Planet guide and I told Visa not to restrict my card, and soon I'll have my passport stamped for the very first time and join Mr. Well-Travelled in Italy!!!

I owe a lot of thanks to my parents for helping me support this trip (especially for all those hotel points and free United miles, thanks mom!). I also am so thankful for Chris for getting me out of my domestic comfort zone, so that we can have an incredible Roman, Neopolitan, and Tuscan experience. I will also be so thankful for being exposed to the Italian accent before I hop to Buenos Aires this spring. The Argentine people wish they were Italian, apparently. I don't know too much about Italy now, but hopefully after a shameless tourist stint, I'll be able to flaunt my expertise. ;)

Pictures and reflections to follow....

the sophomore.

2008-08-30T19:57:00.008-06:00

a look at the beginning of fall...

I wake up to the radio alarm of a tired 90s rock song. My eyes are half open and I have the typical early morning confusion. I slide reluctantly out of bed to turn off the blasting music. I stand for a moment, debating with myself how bad it could possibly be if I slipped back into bed for oh, maybe 15 more minutes. For a college student at 7am, the most rational thing to do is always going back to sleep. When I finally get myself downstairs, I open the fridge disappointingly. Hungry, lazy, health-conscious, and broke is a tough combination. I somehow manage to scrounge something together from our myriad choices of condiments. I choose maté to appease my caffeine addiction.

I repeatedly check my planner, making sure I am carrying with me everything I need for the busy day in my burnt orange Prada knockoff. I don't want to have to walk up 9th street more times than necessary. When I get out the door, I am absolutely enamored with the early morning breeze of a day late in August. It smells like trees and asphalt. There is still shade covering most of the sidewalk. Shaggy-haired boys longboard down College Avenue and sorority girls in Nike shorts run with their ipods. When I get close to Broadway, I smile at the eager artsy types exiting Espresso Roma and nod to the "transients" lounging on benches outside the tattoo parlor.

I am an hour early to campus in order to make my three minute Teach for America presentation for a class that may or may not give a shit about what I have to say. I try not to sound cliché when I make a call to action. I want to sound relatable and engaging, while maintaining a sense of passion that will excite my classmates. They stare at me. I cannot tell what they are thinking. That's what it must be like to teach at CU. You pour your heart out to blank faces, hoping something you say will resonate with somebody. But, odds are, most are thinking about the shenanigans to come this weekend, or how shitty they feel from last night's shenanigans, or how they wish they could be participating in shenanigans instead of sitting bored in this stupid class. How sad.

For the most part, I find my classes interesting. I'm taking an innovative multi-media rhetoric class, a number of international courses that focus on political and economic behavior, an Afro-Cuban dance class, and a Spanish conversation class. The day is full of taking one hat off and putting another on as I balance my school schedule with my Cultural Events Board, Teach for America, City Manager's Advisory Committee, and social commitments.

I remind myself that I thrive in a full schedule. I keep my chin up, and embrace my day. There is a lot of walking back and forth between buildings. A class here, a meeting there, and TFA presentations in between. I have a lot of energy and am enjoying the lovely weather.

But by the late afternoon, as I trudge back up 9th street. My mind is in a different place. As my blood sugar dwindles and my to-do list stacks, I throw myself into one of the plush seats in my kitchen and groan. The thought I have been trying to keep out of my head all day bursts out, "I'm crazy..." I tell my mom.

A cat-nap, a cup of tea, or a snack usually gets me back to normal. I get excited thinking about my upcoming Skype conversation with Chris. I situate myself on my bed with pillows,a fluffy comforter, and my MacBook, and log into the system. Chris looks good. Although he seems to have given up on shaving and he still wears a band-aid on his forehead from that mishap at Aric's pool, he is an extremely welcome escape from Boulder. We exchange stories, worries, excitements, and sweet nothings for about an hour before he departs for another adventure. We miss each other a lot, but technology does wonders for long-distance relationships.

The rest of the night, I knock out out some studying, prepare myself for the tasks of the next day, and then do something fun. My mom and I chat over white wine until I decide to mosey. There are more conversations (and, uh, shenanigans) to be had and I decide to go find them. Hooray for fall.

The Morning Marigold by Caroline Clark

2008-08-06T02:08:00.001-06:00

The marigold retreats into itself at dusk.

It protects itself from the night.

A passerby, ignorant to this phenomenon,

would never know its beauty.

But when a ray of light emerges from the west,

the marigold awakens.

It stretches its petals, its posture restored.

Radiant and loud, it displays its innermost seeds with pride.

Why is the marigold afraid of the dark?

Why can't the moon be privy to its splendor?

What sights does it miss, hidden in itself?

We celebrate the Morning flower.

Wake up, flower.

Don't forget about the world beyond yourself.