ASSERTION!!

I'm often fond of subtlety.

in poetry, in fashion, in wit, in spices. 

when I travel, I kind of prefer taking pictures of laundry hanging out to dry than I do national monuments. 

when I'm insulted, I'd rather have it be a puzzle than an obvious broadcast. 

when I go hiking, I'm more satisfied smelling the trees than I am reaching the summit.

....

But there comes a time when the non-confrontational, conflicting-fearing, manner-conscious mediators are not celebrated for the beauty of their oh-so-subtle behaviors, but overlooked as, well, non-existent.

This is what happens in Latin America. You see my friends, while the people here are relaxed and friendly, they don't mess around. Straight shooters, persistent, forward. When there is something to be said, it is said. When they are told by some beat-around-the-bush type, "yeah, i'm not so sure...maybe..I'll think about it...," he might as well have said "WHATEVER YOU WANT."

Some people come to Latin America to chillll. Hammocks, beers, fiestas, what have you. 

But if you are going to chill, you are going to do it in the most blatantly and obviously and everyone will know what's up with you. There's just not a lot of bullshit here*.

*except from taxi drivers. 

This is good for me. It's good for some of the qualities that emerge from us picket-fence Americans on not-so-bold days in the big city: indecisiveness, timidity, shyness, self-consciousness.

(Wait, Caro, you're shy? No te creo, I don't believe you! says the local friend who doesn't know it, but is helping to bring out the fiery latina that I know is in here somewhere).

Latin America is helping me CUT THE CRAP, get to the POINT, say N-O when I mean NO. 

Take PRIDE. sing LOUDLY. JAYWALK!! get OUT. leave the CASA. leave the BARRIO. leave the CAPITAL. learn merengue! or tango?? eat organ meat. INTRODUCE MYSELF. tell the truth. LAY IT ON THE TABLE. do what I gotta do. respond, "si! en serio! soy americana!" Take INITIATIVE. do something kind. PAY ATTENTION. walk with intention. 

 It's hard to imagine when I went to DC with mom, grandma, and aunts julie and chris that I was downright intimidated by the need to hail a cab. 

(woah, woah, woah...stand out in the street and wave your arms so everyone will look at you?? no thanks! I'll just walk on the far side of the sidewalk where nobody will see me...)

Not anymore. There's some authentic boldness in my gait these days and I am starting look forward to nasty cat-calls so I can say, "Che! Te conozco?? Do I know you?? NO!? Enough!" 

Who would have thought I'd be less shy when I'm speaking a language I don't actually know! It's a funny phenomenon. I'm willing to sacrifice some dignity to learn, because you HAVE to. An american girl I met working in a hostel raised her beer glass in the air, and in response to somebody's "here's to us having a great, long night!" she meant to say something to the effect of, "and here's to me being a cranky bitch in the morning!" But, in her not-quite perfect spanish she actually said, "And here's to me being a big slut tonight!" All the locals looked at her incredulously, and quickly corrected her. Then we all died laughing. She was not embarrassed even a little bit, because those are the mistakes that MUST be made to learn. 

Nowadays, in situations where before I might have been nervous about presenting myself to others in some way, I just don't worry. Maybe because now I can always blame my horrible spanish for my awkwardness instead of having to accept that I might just be a straight-up awkward person! 

The point is that it's wonderful to lose stupid fears that hold you back and I hope I can internalize this stuff permanently!!! 

Nos Vemos, Amigos.

caro