One Semester is NOT enough.

I don't want to leave. 

One of my friends told me when I first started talking about study abroad that going for a year is critical. It takes roughly 4 or 5 months to get used to actually living in this other place, and then the rest of the year you can actually enjoy it. 

I'm finding this to be very true. We are nearing the 4 month mark and I am finally feeling like this is a place I could potentially connect with. When I first arrived, I was ecstatic. But, it was the kind of happiness you get from a good vacation. When it became more and more clear that this was much more than a vacation, I started to get moody. Some days this loud, dirty city really got to me. Other days I'd be enamored with it. But either way, my extreme feelings were ephemeral and I was pretty certain I'd leave Argentina with an averaged-out apathetic view. There have been some days where I've been really out of touch with what I'm doing here. I'd spend too much time on my computer researching things I want to accomplish next semester at home. I'd sit in the park and brainstorm organizational processes and ideas for my various student groups next year, or I'd just obsessively check my facebook and look longingly at pictures of hikes people posted. There was a good chunk of time where my mind just wasn't in Buenos Aires. 

This has changed. I still get extreme feelings over the typical things that bother/enchant me. But any chance of me leaving with apathy has disappeared.I have recently realized that there is SO much more to this city and this culture than I could ever understand in 5 months, and part of this tendency toward apathy has been a result of not being intimate enough with the culture and feeling more like I've been on a vacation for too long (except not, because class has actually been pretty stressful).  I realized over the weekend that I'm not a lost cause when it comes to getting something truly remarkable out of BA. Amy came to visit from Sao Paolo and we went out to various bars around the city. Each night I had a conversation with a different local and each one shed some light on aspects of the culture that I felt out of touch with. After exchanging numbers with a few people, I got really excited about the potential of further connections and investing in some friendships. But, then it dawned on me that there is not a lot of time left for investing. By the time I get comfortable enough with new friends to feel like I have my own life here and I can learn something intimate about the culture, I will be heading home. 

I want to stay for a year. I do. And I would beg my parents to help support this if it weren't for the commitments I have already made at CU (the vice-chair position with CEB, my Puksta Scholarship). I'm starting to contemplate what it means to make sacrifices and choices at this age and I'm really struggling with what would be the best thing for me to do--even though I really have already made the decision to leave. 

It's just that...I don't want to.