acentos, acentos, acentos....

With all the music in my childhood, I always thought I'd developed a pretty decent ear. I thought I was an auditory learner, and in fact, I was convinced I had to be told something out loud to remember it. 

The more and more my ear fails me here the less I believe this. In fact, I now think my ear isactually  pretty mediocre. After being told regularly that I have the worst accent out of a group of gringos (whom I thought sounded absolutely horrendous), I am starting to think maybe I thought a little too highly of my abilities. 

But. It's okay. 

I was really disappointed at first about how weirdly my Spanish is coming along, but when I thought about why I was disappointed, I wondered what is so bad about having an accent? I am actually enamored with my friends at home who speak English with an accent. I was always kind of jealous that they stood out so obviously as people a little bit different, because I think being different is cool. 

Except, apparently, when I am the one who is different. Before my trip, I scoured fashion blogs trying to figure out what Porteños wear. After meeting hordes of Argentine students at a Nuggets/Spurs game, Chris told me I don't look that different from them and I was ecstatic that I might be able to pass for one. I chill with Javi's friends and they ask me if I'm from Argentina or Venezuela (prior to hearing me speak of course), and I beam. But why do I care about these things? Is it really so important to relinquish the traits that make me seem American?

When I walk down the street, of course I don't want to look like I have a "clueless American tourist" stamp on my forehead... for safety reasons. But I wonder, is it less about safety and more about vanity? Am I actually just trying to fit in for the sake of fitting in? Or am I trying to fit in because if I can achieve and Argentine identity it means I'm more capable of true immersion? And what's the deal with immersion anyway? Is it even possible to ever really be immersed in a culture if the culture is cosmopolitan? Imagine a Japanese native with beginner english saying, I want to be immersed in New York City culture in order to understand being American. What does that even mean? Even if that was possible, maintaining what makes us foreign will always get in the way of one hundred percent cultural understanding: childhood experience, sense of humor, daily life's trials and tribulations. 

So, can foreigners actually be immersed??

We can be present in a culture, but I don't think we can become it. There will forever be a barrier. 

We will always, always, always have our roots.

But, we shouldn't want to detach them and go become a new tree somewhere else. That's not sustainable, your roots are who you are and if you bust your ass trying to get rid of them, you are just hurting yourself.  

It especially doesn't make sense for study abroad students to create new cultural identities because we are here to understand, not become. We don't have the time or the need to transform who we are. We just need to become capable of conveying of ideas to and from the culture we study. 

So if I have an accent with elements of Argentine, North American, Mexican, and Russian (don't ask..) with a sprinkle of Venezuelan cuss words, it's okay. I hear Mexican, Argentine, and Venezuelan Spanish the most often. I AM North American,  and as for Russian, well, that's something I can't explain, so we'll just laugh about that one.  

What's not okay is the fact that I don't make any sense when I speak to people. And instead of focusing so much on faking an accent that sounds authentic, I should probably actually deal with content of what I'm saying, and the accent will come later. (or not at all, ain't nothin wrong with the fact that I'm American). It doesn't matter if I can ask for a phone card without an accent. What consequence is there if the employee at the kiosk thinks I'm local? What matters is that I can communicate in sophisticated contexts so I can understand the complexities of culture and language not available to your average tourist. 

Easier said than done?

Besos,

c